Let’s face it, we are all going to die. It’s unavoidable and it's the only guarantee any of us has in this life. However, that does not mean that all ways of going to that pie in the sky are equivalent to one another. Some means of meeting our maker are preferable to others. Below, in no particular order, is a list of some of those ways that are not so desirable.
1. Premature Burial
This absolutely has to be the most horrifying way to kick the bucket. Alone, in the dark, underground, horizontal, in a space that’s no larger than a broom closet. Many of the unfortunate souls that have been exhumed who met their end this way are said to have violently clawed away the skin from their faces in fits of sheer panic and terror. Sometimes, their fingers are scratched and bloody due to their vain attempts to escape their chamber of death.
2. Fire
Frankenstein’s monster hated this stuff for a reason! While it is true that many victims pass out and perish from smoke inhalation before the fire actually has a chance to reach them, if you are one of the unlucky people who are actually killed by the flames, it is one of the most excruciatingly painful ways to expire. Your death is relatively long and you can feel the flames melting off your skin as you are dying.
3. Drowning
Rumor has it this is one of the more peaceful ways to go. Though I’ve never drowned myself, I’ll have to respectfully disagree. I suppose that since your heart stops beating and you lose consciousness before you technically die, you don’t feel anything, but that’s not to say that your last couple of minutes before that aren’t agonizing and terrifying. Some who have survived drowning reported a feeling of, "tearing and burning" when water entered their lungs. That doesn’t sound very tranquil to me.
4. Hanging
With hanging sometimes you die instantly and sometimes it takes what I’m sure feels like an eternity to the individual who is “dancing the hangman’s jig.” Though people do off themselves by this manner, both intentionally and unintentionally, we will only focus on it here as method of execution. If a person is hung correctly, their neck will break and they die almost instantaneously. Unfortunately, things do not always work out as intended. Take Norman Goldthorpe, for example, a man from Great Britain who was condemned to die by hanging in 1950 for the murder of a 66-year-old prostitute. When Goldthorpe was hung, his neck did not break and he dangled at the end of the rope until he died from asphyxiation. One of his executioners described the scene. “I heard the most spine chilling sound I ever heard in an execution chamber. From the pit came a snort…and then another snort…then another! The rope was still, the head was over, but there were noises coming from under the hood!” While hanging is seen as an antiquated form of capital punishment in the United States, it is actually still legal in Delaware and Washington. Go Seahawks!
5. Strychnine Poisoning
OK, no kidding here, this one is bad. While Strychnine is mainly found in rat poison, it is deadly to humans and can be ingested orally, inhaled and even absorbed through the mouth and eyes. It doesn’t take a large amount to kill an adult and symptoms can begin to appear in 15 minutes. Not long after exposure the person may become agitated, paranoid and restless and will soon begin having involuntary muscle spasms, uncontrollably arching their back and neck (picture Linda Blair in the exorcist). Their arms and legs become rigid and they begin to have difficulty breathing which could lead to respiratory failure and brain death. If the person is treated early at a hospital, they may survive.
6. Killed by another animal
While we as humans enjoy being at the top of the food chain, it’s not as if the food chain doesn’t bite back every now and then. The ways in which our furrier friends can, and do, make a snack of us are too numerous to list. It really doesn't matter which it is: crocodiles, wolves, bears, killer bees, sharks, angry monkeys, none of them is the preferred option as to how you’ll meet your maker. There is no sugar coating it, if you go down at the hands (paws) of an animal your death was not a peaceful one.
7. Scaphism (aka The Boats)
This one is without a doubt the most terrible way to die on this list and what makes it all the more despicable, is that it is a method of execution. The victim is covered in honey, with special attention being paid to parts of the body such as the eyes and anus, and tied between two hollowed out logs with only their head and legs protruding from the ends. They are then force fed milk and honey until they have violent diarrhea and left afloat in the middle of a stagnant pond or sometimes just left on the land to rot in the sun. Either way, flies and other insects soon begin to swarm the poor person, biting and agitating them until the honey and feces are depleted. The process is repeated until the poor individual eventually dies from septic shock. This can sometimes take several days.
