My mother is the strongest person I know. Within our family and to those outside she has been and has remained a constant ray of light to those around her. Growing up, she always encouraged my sister and I and made sure we knew we were loved through her words and actions. She reminded us every day that her heart only grew for us with each day and that as long as she lived, she would continue to guide us to achieve anything we ever dreamed of. Although my mother has been happily married for over 27 years, she remained fiercely independent, stressing to us that creating a marriage and a family never meant giving up your life and ambitions. She created the life she wanted for herself with my father as her co-pilot and companion.

One of the many things my mother held strong beliefs towards was her daughter’s abilities to be okay with themselves alone, or in a relationship. She dated several people in her life and was proposed to many times at a young age. “I could have easily married any one of them,” she said. “But I knew that it wasn’t time yet.” My mother always believed that finding one’s calling was more important than finding a husband. After college, she began working as a nurse, something she enjoyed more than anything. It wouldn’t be until years later at the age of 27 that she would marry my father, a doctor at the same hospital she worked at. Almost three decades later, my parents continue to push the boundaries of a near perfect marriage. Still absolutely in love, and just as passionate for and with each other since they were newlyweds, they remain an inspiration of what a true and loving marriage looks like. From the time I was a little girl, she reminded me that love does not come easy and today she still continues to teach me six lessons about love.

Love is the most difficult and beautiful thing you will ever experience.

Although my parents are happily married, she always reminded me that love is hard work. Nothing beautiful can happen without effort from both parties involved. Committing yourself to one person your entire life is a commitment that should be taken seriously and should be entered with caution. The fights will come. The screaming and throwing things kind of arguments, the crying and getting in your car and driving away because you need space arguments will happen and often. But love will happen so much more, like crying over stupid jokes and laughing until your belly hurts. Good things are hard to come by and difficult to keep, but when you find that one person you can still hold on to at the end of the day, who still wants to love every part of your brokenness and kiss all your wounds and dry every tear, that is when you know what love is.

Your career comes before your marriage.

Don’t go to college expecting to leave with a husband. Your career should always come before. Get a degree, get a job and learn to love what you’re doing before you worry about settling down.

Learn to be alone before you learn to be together.

You don’t have to get married at 21, 22, or even 42. And you shouldn’t. Every woman needs to learn to be alone for a period of time, with herself and with her career before she gets married. Be okay with yourself and your life and enjoy that time of self-discovery while you can. Experience everything. Become independent. Travel. Explore. Focus on yourself before you focus on a man.

Never wait on him to show up.

Never wait on him to show up in the relationship. If he wanted to be with you, he would. If he cannot make that commitment to you then he doesn’t deserve you. You deserve a man who admires you for everything you already are and couldn’t imagine a day without seeing you.

Love comes when it knows you’re ready.

Love does not come on schedule. It is not something you can prepare for. It comes when you least expect it. It comes when it knows you are ready.

Love equals sex, sex does not equal love.

You’re going to have a lot of great sex and a lot of bad sex in your life. There are going to be men who will say everything you ever wanted to hear and do everything you ever wanted to do, but they still may not be the one. When choosing intimate partners, make sure you are in love with them and would be willing to have children with them if it were to arise. Do not confuse love and sex. Having sex with someone may not mean you love them, but loving someone means you have sex with them.

Strong girls make waves.

You are so much more capable than you know, with or without a man. Being in or out of a relationship does not make you any less or more of a woman. Your value is not and will never be defined by the attention and attitudes of men. The most beautiful thing in the world is a woman who, despite what others think, refuses to believe she is anything less than great. Through her talents, courage, independence, attitude, and intelligence she creates a world for herself that she calls her own. Strong girls make waves that transform and unite others. Strong girls love themselves for who they are first. Strong girls keep those they love close to them and do not seek it as fulfillment. Love comes to her when she is ready.