`Nintendo recently announced that they were bringing "Super Smash Bros" to the Nintendo Switch. This is big news. Just watch this this video of people reacting to the announcement. I think a dude fainted.
The announcement took me back in time to my days as a Smash Bro, and the hypeness in the video was so hype that I got hype. I was so hype I decided to show the video to my girlfriend so she could share in this hype-osity.
Her reply was, "what's Super Smash Bros?"
Devastation. Send help. I tried to explain the pain away, telling her, "it's an incredible, classic game that's coming to Nintendo's newest console." I shot for overly generic, trying to meet her where she was as a non-Smasher.
Her reply was, "what's a console?"
It's painful. SO MUCH PAIN. A world without video games. A world where one never knows the joys of Smash. I had to relive my experience with Super Smash just to wash away the pain. Here are 7 of the joys of "Super Smash Bros" she will never know.
1. FALCON PUNCH!
Sometimes if things were extra chaotic and there were lots of players I would stand there falcon punch-ing just to add more noise to the insanity. Call me an agent of chaos.
2. Defeating the Master Hand
The final battle was a grind if you didn't have many lives. It took so much commitment to get there that losing was not an option.
3. So much damage
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Living on the edge consists of skydiving and trying to stay alive in super smash with more than 200% damage. One hit and you're done for.
4. THE HAMMER
With great power comes great responsibility. Unfortunately, I always wasted it. Sad.
5. Being a button masher
Imagine a controller in this guy's hands and you've got me. Some might call me low skilled, but I say I'm unpredictable. A A A BBBBBBABABABXYXYXYX victory.
6. Trash talk
YOU LIKE THAT?!!?!? I just metroid primed you into the next dimension boyeeeeeeee!
7. Camaraderie
Not all boys know how to talk to each other, especially when they are young. I remember going to the neighborhood holiday party every year and all of the kids would gather in the attic to play Super Smash. We didn't always know each other or talk to each other, but by golly we can play Smash together.
Super Smash Bros for president 2020.
