7 Gifts To Never Give Your Girlfriend For The Holidays

7 Gifts To Never Give Your Girlfriend For The Holidays

According to my calculations, when a man shops for his girlfriend, there's only a 1% success-rate.

The holidays are near, and you know what that means: shitty gifts from your boyfriend that you have to pretend to love so you don't sound ungrateful even though your gift clearly tops his and you're actually really unhappy about the fact that you have to wear the mint pleather jacket that he got you at least once even though it's clearly not your size or your color.

At this point, we all know that you're a master at pretending to like gifts. In fact, you're so good, you should get paid for it.

Thanks babe, I really love it! You're the best!

Be sure to send the following list to bae so he doesn't get it twisted this year.

1. Perfume.

Okay, unless she tells you that she really wants this new perfume that everybody's talking about, don't spend your money on it. Unless, of course, you're trying to tell her something. Does she smell bad?

2. Bras.

I admit, bras can be a cute gift, especially if they're lacy and colorful. But if you don't know her size, please don't invest in one. Otherwise, you might offend her and that's absolutely not what we're going for here.

3. Gift certificates or cash.

Hi, are you paying her to go out with you? Put some more thought into it! Paint something. Craft something. Get handy! It's okay if it turns out shitty, she'll appreciate the thought.

4. Clothes!!!!

Yes, women love clothes. But when you shop for them, it's different from when they shop for themselves. According to my calculations, when a man shops for his girlfriend, there's only a 1% success-rate. So many things could go wrong: the wrong style, the wrong size, etc. BUT, if you're absolutely sure that she wants that jacket because she's been talking about it for weeks now, absolutely, positively get it for her! She'll appreciate the fact that you listened to her and she'll be really excited about a new addition to her closet.

5. Stuffed animals.

Sounds cute, but it's extremely unoriginal. Please don't do it. She's not 8 years old.

6. Socks that aren't fuzzy or cool.

I mean, depending on the girl, socks in general may or may not be a great gift. Personally, I love socks, so that's fine by me. But think about it this way: getting socks that aren't fuzzy is like getting regular fries when you can just as easily get curly fries. Makes sense now?

7. Things only you enjoy.

Just imagine, pulling up to the scene and and making your girlfriend unwrap this medium-sized box. She is so ecstatic at the sight of its size that she rips the wrapping paper within seconds. You allowed her to build up all this excitement only for her to unwrap a huge, $250 Rawlings 13-inch Bryce Harper HOH Series Glove (yes, I looked that up on the Dick's Sporting Goods website). Um, hello? What is she going to do with that? Enjoy your Christmas-day fight!

Cover Image Credit: Brunch News

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I Blame My Dad For My High Expectations

Dad, it's all your fault.

I always tell my dad that no matter who I date, he's always my number one guy. Sometimes I say it as more of a routine thing. However, the meaning behind it is all too real. For as long as I can remember my dad has been my one true love, and it's going to be hard to find someone who can top him.

My dad loves me when I am difficult. He knows how to keep the perfect distance on the days when I'm in a mood, how to hold me on the days that are tough, and how to stand by me on the days that are good.

He listens to me rant for hours over people, my days at school, or the episode of 'Grey's Anatomy' I watched that night and never once loses interest.

He picks on me about my hair, outfit, shoes, and everything else after spending hours to get ready only to end by telling me, “You look good." And I know he means it.

He holds the door for me, carries my bags for me, and always buys my food. He goes out of his way to make me smile when he sees that I'm upset. He calls me randomly during the day to see how I'm doing and how my day is going and drops everything to answer the phone when I call.

When it comes to other people, my dad has a heart of gold. He will do anything for anyone, even his worst enemy. He will smile at strangers and compliment people he barely knows. He will strike up a conversation with anyone, even if it means going way out of his way, and he will always put himself last.

My dad also knows when to give tough love. He knows how to make me respect him without having to ask for it or enforce it. He knows how to make me want to be a better person just to make him proud. He has molded me into who I am today without ever pushing me too hard. He knew the exact times I needed to be reminded who I was.

Dad, you have my respect, trust, but most of all my heart. You have impacted my life most of all, and for that, I can never repay you. Without you, I wouldn't know what I to look for when I finally begin to search for who I want to spend the rest of my life with, but it might take some time to find someone who measures up to you.

To my future husband, I'm sorry. You have some huge shoes to fill, and most of all, I hope you can cook.

Cover Image Credit: Logan Photography

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