Congratulations, incoming college freshmen! You graduated, you made it. And now the summer’s winding down. If you’re anything like me, you probably spent it getting to know your roommate, working to save up some money so as to not live entirely off of ramen by October, and making memories driving around town late at night with the friends who have been with you since the beginning. You’ve probably also scoured the internet, Target, and Bed Bath & Beyond to make sure you have everything you’ll need to make your first year away at college as great as it can be. Bedding, check. Shower caddy, check. Mini-fridge, family-sized package of Easy-Mac, reusable water bottle - check. You’ve got it all ready and can’t wait to move in - and I’m so excited for you. But don’t be fooled, there’s a lot more to taking on college than having the niftiest Jansport backpack or best laptop. Here’s a checklist I wish someone would have given me when I made the first seven-hour trek up to school:
1. An open mind
Coming from an extremely white, gender-and-heteronormative, middle-class high school meant that college was the first time I was going to experience living with people different from me. It’s really easy to think you’re open-minded and accepting when everyone around you shares your background and world-views. I am telling you now, no matter how enlightened or worldly you think you are, you’re not. At least, not nearly as much as you will be after being immersed in an environment that’s a melting pot of students from all walks of life, coming from all over the state, the country, or even the world. You’re going to learn a lot about how little you actually know. And that’s okay - that’s what you’re here for! To learn! Keep an open mind and don’t be disheartened or defensive when someone corrects you on a topic they know more about. Take the information, learn from it, run with it. It will serve you well.
2. A little courage
Making friends can be really, really difficult. Especially when you’ve stuck with the same group since Kindergarten. Those of you who have had to change schools throughout your childhood know what I mean and are a little better-equipped to handle the job. But don’t be discouraged if you don’t find your “people” the first day, the first week, or even the first semester. It’s totally okay to wander through friend groups throughout your time here. Hell, I’m a rising senior and I’m just now figuring out who really matters to me. At times, you’re going to feel a little lost, and that’s normal. What’s important is that you take the first steps and put yourself out there.
For those of you reading who have social anxiety, I get it. I recognize how intimidating and terrifying the concept of trying to make your way into a friendship can be. But just know that everyone else is terrified too. This is one time when everyone feels vulnerable. If someone asks if you want to sit with them at the welcoming barbecue, do your best to say yes and sit and get to know them. And then ask the other kid that’s looking around the great lawn with deer-in-headlights eyes if they want to sit with you too. They may not be the people you end up spending the next four years sharing secrets and all-nighters with, but at the very least, they’re wonderful stepping-stones toward fostering friendships with other mutual acquaintances. (And to any upperclassmen who may be reading this, if you know an incoming freshman from high school or summer camp or wherever - show them some kindness. You remember how difficult it was. Ask them to get dinner at your favorite dining hall, bring them to your favorite club or co-curricular, invite them to a party. I can’t begin to explain how helpful having an older acquaintance was for me when I was getting my bearings, and I was lucky enough to have had the opportunity to do the same for a younger student, who turned out to be one of the best friends I wish I’d gotten to know sooner.)
3. A thick skin and lots of emotional band-aids
You’ve heard it a million times - college is nothing like high school. Your professors aren’t there to get you to pass the standardized test. They’re there to challenge you and to make you a better scholar. And, sometimes, it’s an agonizing process. Even if you’re used to being at the top of your class, and you never needed to study in high school, it’s going to happen at some point (I’m a prime example of that). There will always be professors who make you feel insecure or less competent than you’re used to. It sucks, a lot. Sometimes they’re speaking from a place of encouragement because they see your potential and want to help you unlock it. Other times, they’re just colossal jerks who seem to want to hurt you for fun, and whose tenure is the only thing keeping them on campus. In the case of the latter, this is when you learn to throw a band-aid on that sucker and use it as fuel to do better. Take it from someone who is known to be overly-competitive: seeing the look on their face when you excel after taking their demeaning comments makes the all-nighter totally worth it.
4. A de-stressor that works for you
5. A plan to talk to your friends and family
You’d be surprised how easy it is for relationships to fade while you’re away doing your own thing. I was always pretty independent, so my parents and I never really did the whole “call twice a week” thing, and keep it to texts unless we really want to hear each other’s voices. But I also know people who called their families every night, and that’s just as well. I have a standing date to call my grandma every Sunday, my mom and I simultaneously stream an episode or two of Gilmore Girls a few nights a week, and I have a group-chat with my best friends from home so I know I’ll always have someone to hang out with when I’m on break. It’s inevitable that you’re going to lose touch with a few - probably most, honestly - of your friends from high school. And that’s okay, you don’t have to feel bad about growing apart. You’re not around anymore, and it’s natural to grow in different directions. Just don’t forget about your roots entirely.
6. Your enthusiasm
You’re going to college to pursue something you love. Maybe you don’t know what that is yet and you’re undeclared, or maybe you’ll change your mind halfway through junior year. That’s totally fine - it’s more than a little anxiety-inducing to think that you’re picking what you’ll be doing for the rest of your life at eighteen years old. What’s important is that you don’t know what’s in store, but you’re going for it anyway. You’re on your own for the first time, there are no parents to control you or to help you. And that kind of freedom is equally terrifying and thrilling. Keep that adrenaline pumping, and keep working toward what you want to do. If there’s one thing that I’ve seen upperclassmen suffer from most, it’s a loss of passion and enthusiasm. They stuck with a major they hated because they took the pre-reqs, they lost their drive to excel, they can’t wait to get into the real world after being here for four years - the list goes on. If you’re feeling any of that as a freshman, I will tell you right now, you will not be happy here. But you can be. Find the cause, nip it in the bud, and try again. You’ve got this.
