It’s been said,“College is a lot like riding a bike, it’s easy once you get the hang of it. The only catch is the bike is on fire and the ground is on fire and everything is on fire, and you’re fighting that fire with more fire (and possibly a bottle of eighty proof whiskey).”
You slow down you die, like a bad Queen Latifah movie.
I mean don’t get me wrong college has taught me a lot:
- Time management - how to work mental breakdowns into my schedule effectively.
- Financial sense - whether it’s more cost effective to buy a thirty rack or spring for the whole freaking keg.
(Hint: the keg always give you more bang for your buck, and better stories). - Responsibility - setting ten alarms and sleeping through all of them but going to class 30 minutes late anyway.
- A new meaning of the word free - like when I actually feel like I may have some free time, it’s not true I’m just forgetting something.
With four (and a half) years in my pocket, I think it’s time to share some secrets on the one thing I know the most about, being hella-good at college.
So, class of 2019, you may think you’ve got college down since you’ve been here what, four months? Well you don’t, so think again and hang on tight because this ride is guaranteed to get a little bumpy.
Welcome to the big leagues.
1. Meet/talk to everyone, this is the only time in your life you will be surrounded by this many people your age.
I’m convinced that college is just a really large-scale social experiment. They stuff a bunch of hormonal driven teenagers in one town for four years and expect us to spread our metaphorical wings and get an actual degree.
Buy into the madness and take advantage of being surrounded by people your age. You only have four years or if you do it right, five, to soak up as much of the craziness you can get away with. Once you walk across that stage the word college becoming synonymous with the phrase, “remember that one time.”
2. Don’t fall for the first boy or girl you meet.
This isn't a suggestion, it’s a demand and I’m speaking from experience. One of the best things about college is being able to have guy/girl friends that are of a non-romantic nature. If you fall for the first guy you meet at frat party during welcome week, you’re asking for heartache. He’ll more than likely end up living in the same dorm as you and when it all goes south. You’ll have to avoid elevators and the dining hall for the rest of the semester. Keep him in the friend zone until you’re sober. You must make sure it’s not the cheap keg beer whispering in your ear.
3. Don’t ditch friends for said boy/girl--they’re the only people who will be there when everything goes south.
It’s really easy to get caught up in a new, college relationship. This is the first time you’ve been able to play by your own rules, aka mom and dad are out of the picture and you don’t have a curfew. Just because you can spend every waking minute with your new college beau doesn't mean you should. It’s a recipe for disaster and your friends will be the casualties. The more time you spend with your significant other, the less time you have for your clique and trust me, they’ll notice. If and when everything goes down the toilet with now-ex-new-beau, all you’re going to want is your girls. If you’re lucky like me, although you dropped off the face of the earth for a few months, they’ll still be the first person by your side with cold beer and a large print out of his face to throw darts at.
4. Learn how to cook when you have the chance.
Cooking does not include frozen dinners, and Pop-Tarts for every meal really does get old. Pam will light a grill and you can indeed make moonshine on the stove. All cooking really equates to is you having an excuse to drink while fanning the smoke detector with a decorative kitchen towel that was “just for looks.”
Point is, try to achieve a little domestication before you get out into the real world, your future spouse will appreciate it.
5. Keep your friends from home close, but don’t forget to make new ones.
Much like new boys, new friends are an important part of freshman year. These friends will define the rest of your college experience, so choose wisely. Yes, you had great friends in high school and you should keep in touch with them but don’t let them hold you back from making new connections.
6. Don’t delete pictures, no matter what.
Sometimes pictures are the only way to truly remember a crazy night out. Nothing beats waking up and scrolling through the embarrassing 2 a.m. blurry pictures of you and your girls shoving pizza into your pie holes like savages. You may even finally learn why you have that giant bruise on your forearm, most likely from trying to dance like Beyonce on the kitchen table. You have to keep all the evidence. Whether it’s dumb drunk selfies of or awkward freshman group pictures with people in them whom you swear you’ve never seen before. Keep everything! This may just be the pack-rat in me talking but I have 12,000 pictures on my computer from four years of college and I can’t bring myself to delete a single one.
College is supposed to be fun and at times it is way too much of exactly that. Don’t let school get in the way of college. Class, homework and studying are of utmost importance but a college experience is much, much, more than all the paperwork. Don’t feel like you’re supposed to know what to do with your life the second you step on campus freshman year. It’ll change daily and that’s more than okay, it's encouraged. If someone tells you they have their life figured out freshman year, ignore them because they don’t, let them live in denial.
Four years goes by in four minutes and in a blink, you’re done.
