My mom used to tell me in high school that I was “burning the candle at both ends” because I was constantly on the go and doing things for other people. At the time I brushed her comments aside and paid no matter to her warning. It wasn’t until this past semester of college that I realized she was right. By constantly doing things for others and putting everyone else’s needs above my own I neglected to take care of the one person who mattered most: myself. I was in a major that I hated, I was in a job that overwhelmed me, I took on more than I could handle in my extracurricular activities, and I was miserable. It took a few meltdowns, a prolonged thanksgiving break, and a three-hour lunch with my aunt to discover that the reason I was so unhappy was because I wasn’t taking care of myself first. I decided that if I wanted to end my semester with my sanity in check I needed to take action and be proactive about being in charge of my own happiness. So I decided to make some life changes, do a little soul searching, and really find out what made me happy and decided to focus on that. Here's what I discovered on my journey to find happiness again:
1. If you’re in a major that you don’t like, change it.
I spent my first three semesters of undergrad in a major that I didn’t like. I suffered through hard classes that I barely passed and I was hating life for it. I kept telling myself that college is only four years and then I could graduate with that coveted degree in hand and it will all be worth it. I finally realized that not only was I hating the classes I was taking and unhappy in the school I was in, but I was literally counting down the semesters until I could be done. If college is supposed to be the best four years of your life, why was I wishing it away? After that epiphany I decided that I needed to change. I switched my major to not only something I’ve always loved, but something that I enjoyed studying and I’m already so much happier. If you aren’t happy with your major, change it.
2.It’s okay to say no sometimes.
Saying “no” to people is something I’ve always struggled with. When you’re a people pleaser and always eager to take on the next challenge, saying “no” feels like you’re actually saying “I can’t handle it and I’m a failure.” But really it’s not saying that it all. Saying “no” means that you’re reprioritizing what’s important and putting your needs above what other people want you to do. When you try to be that person that everyone and anyone can count on you start to neglect your own needs. Saying “no” doesn’t make you a bad person. It doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you human. We all have limits and we need to make sure that at the end of the day we take care of ourselves before taking care of everyone else. It’s okay to say no.
3. Cut back on what’s stressing you out.
Life is all about finding the right balance. In college you have to learn how to balance school, work, activities, friends, family, relationships, and more. When one or more of those things metaphorically weighs heavier than the other it starts to throw you out of whack. When you have too much going on with your extracurricular activities, you start to neglect a different aspect of your life. When you spend too much time working or socializing, you’re schoolwork is going to suffer. Making sure you find the right balance, and finding it early on, is so crucial to maintaining your sanity. When one part of your life whether it be your job, a school organization, a relationship starts to become to much, it’s going to snowball and effect other parts of your life. I’m not saying completely cut something out of your life because it requires a lot of time or effort, I’m saying make sure that you cut back so you can make sure one aspect of your life doesn’t overwhelm you. If it’s too much, don’t cut it out, just cut back.
4. Let go of that grudge, forgive, and move on.
Grudges are toxic. They induce paranoia, reinforce anger, and hurt yourself more than whoever you’re holding that grudge against. It’s human instinct to want to hold grudges and forgiveness is a really hard thing, especially if you’ve been wronged, but the energy you’re spending on being angry is affecting you more than you’d think. Recently I forgave a friend with whom I had been holding a grudge for almost 10 months. She even wanted to make amends and I thought that by not forgiving her I was hurting her, but I was only hurting myself. I told myself that I could live the rest of my life without forgiving her and I would be just fine. My plan backfired and holding that grudge and refusing to forgive her was making me angry, sad, and hurt all over again. It’s like a painful wound that had never healed. Finally it dawned on me that I was wasting time and energy being angry, when really I just missed being her friend again. We met over Winter break for coffee and I was able to say to her, “I forgive you.” Saying [and meaning] those three words felt like I was taking a lead coat off. It was freeing, eye opening, and cathartic. Keeping all of those toxic feelings locked up inside does more harm than good. If you’re holding a grudge against someone, take it from me, forgive him or her and move on.
5.Surround yourself with people who lift you up, not who drag you down.
There’s a saying that I discovered recently and it goes something like this, “An entire sea of water can’t sink a ship unless it gets inside the ship. Similarly, the negativity of the world can’t put you down unless you allow it to get inside you.” Humans unknowingly and unwittingly mirror the people they surround themselves. By being with people who have a negative disposition you’re making yourself susceptible to inheriting that same negativity. Instead, be with positive people. I’m not saying to completely dismiss people from you’re life because they complain from time to time, I’m saying to avoid serial Debbie downers who drag you down and spend your time with the people who lift you up.
6. Do things that make YOU happy.
What makes you happy? Even if it’s small, do it. Even if it seems insignificant, do it. If it seems silly, do it. If something makes you happy, go do it. Sometimes we get so caught up with the trials of life and school and work and our social lives we forget to do the simple things in life that make us happy. But the key is to do something by and for yourself. I love hanging out with my friends, they genuinely make me happy but sometimes it’s nice to do something just for you. I forgot how much I loved hearing birds in the morning. It sounds corny but I love the first morning chirps, especially when winter is ending and spring is beginning. I decided to get up early one Sunday morning and sit on my balcony with a blanket and a cup of coffee while I just listened to the birds chirp and the morning stir. It was a small, seemingly miniscule activity that actually made me happy and all it took was 10 minutes. Maybe you aren’t a morning person or you’re afraid of birds, but whatever it is, go find your “thing” and do it.
Happiness is a choice. It’s up to you to make sure that at the end of the day, you’re happy because no one else is going to do it for you. Doing the aforementioned six steps made me a happier person and I hope that they will work for you too. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a ray of sunshine 24/7 but it’s a work in progress. I’m choosing to be happy. I’m taking control of my life and making sure that I’m accountable for my own happiness, and you should too.
