Something that has always fascinated me is how birth order can play a role in how one navigates the world. Do you ever notice common personality traits among your friends of the same birth order in their families?
I am the middle child in my family, as I have an older sister and a younger brother. There are three years between each of us, so milestone birthdays celebrated by one were quickly followed by the next. I found that I liked this closeness in age, as it served as a way for all of us to be pretty close when we were younger, but then gave us a way to grow apart and still be in a similar age range to offer advice.
However, these are just some of the positive things I’ve found about being a middle child and having siblings in general. You may have heard of the “Middle Child Syndrome” where families’ middle child always somehow gets neglected by the parents and others, or always gets the “short end of the stick.” Personally, I have a lot of memories when my older sister got more attention because she was the first born child, and my younger brother was even more so the center of attention because he was the youngest and only boy in my family.
While it does not make a huge difference now that my siblings and I are older, the memories of growing up as the child that received less attention still permeate my mind sometimes. Not necessarily out of anger or resentment, but just because I think that sometimes, it can help to explain trends in behavior in myself or my siblings.
I’ve decided to compile a list of a few things I have found to be very true of my experiences as a middle child, as well as some that I’ve found in common with others.
1. You have to do the chores your siblings don’t
want to do.
The older sibling is too old/busy to do it, and the younger one is just too young and not responsible enough yet. I have a distinct memory of my mother asking me to wash the dishes even when my other siblings weren’t busy, and I gave this as a rationale for why I had to be the one to do it. Of course, I knew there was no point in arguing against it. I suppose there is a smidge of resentment here as I’ve let it linger on my mind a little too long.
2. You feel like your older siblings have much more freedom than you do, and your younger siblings get away with everything.
Again with the eye roll. I definitely let this happen to me a lot as I was growing up, especially with my younger brother getting away with absolutely anything. While this was a shared burden between my older sister and I, whenever she would get more freedom than I would, there would be no further discussion about it from my parents other than “because she is older.”
3. You’re expected to be the mediator between your older and younger siblings.
I didn’t really experience this, but I have heard from others that this was often the case for them, especially when families consist of more than three kids – instead having four or more so there is more than just one middle child. I do think the middle child (or children) tend to be better at negotiating because, as a result of point number one, they learn to come to compromises faster to avoid conflict and keep things at ease.
4. Yet, you also become more independent.
Need I say more? You may have found that it is in vain to try to sway your parents’ opinions when they have already clearly favored your siblings’ side, so you learn to pull yourself up and do your own thing.
5. Being fiercely independent brings others (especially other family members) to assume that you’re always withdrawn.
Again with leaning towards not wanting to deal with conflicts and arguments, I know that always taking the step of walking away from something has led some around me to believe that I like to keep to myself a lot. This is not true most of the time (for me), especially as I’ve gotten older. Taking the lessons I’ve learned from negotiating with my siblings has allowed me to seek other relationships and friendships where those kinds of arrangements don’t always have to be made. This looking for relations outside of my family probably contributes to their thoughts that I keep to myself from them.
6. You have someone to look up to, and someone is also looking up to you.
Negativity aside, I think being the middle child is a wonderful thing because you are also in the position of being both a mentor and mentee to people who are very close to you. You can ask for advice but also dole it out and inspire someone else. I always find being able to inspire and be inspired as one of the most rewarding things in life, so this is something positive I’ve found in my experiences.
Are you the middle child of your family? Can you relate to any of these points? I think considering birth order in relation to personality traits can be very fascinating and can explain a lot. (Even though there are definitely exceptions and there cannot be solely wide-sweeping generalizing statements about these things!)
