Wake up sheeple! There is a government conspiracy, and it runs through every state in America at this very moment. This conspiratorial plan affects your economy, your job prospects and maybe even your college major.
A mysterious force is manipulating markets and interest rates to force poor economic conditions, then incentivizing its own jobs, forcing this generation of students to join its ranks. And no, this mysterious force is not the illuminati or financial consulting firms or New York attitudes. It is way, way bigger than that.
Let me walk you through how I cracked this mystery. You see, I stumbled upon a peculiar map.
You should notice something about this map. All the states list millennial salaries at about 20k a year. All the states but one: DC. DC's median Gen Y salary is a more comfortable 40k a year. Hmmm, interesting...
Why would millennials get paid more in DC? Well, do you know who works in DC? Spies. Boom.
That is more or less my thesis. As I dug deeper, I found more evidence that the CIA is conspiring to force Gen Y-ers into their service. All the evidence you need is right here.
1. Video Specialist: up to $69,460.
This jobs requires a degree in a communications-related major, like journalism, and pays way over the 30k average that journalists usually make.
2. Protective Agent: up to $87,821.
The CIA just lists jobs like this on their website. I find this crazy. Is this not crazy? Anyways, real life spies get paid pretty nicely, and while they need military experience, degrees are not required.
3. Special Assistant: up to $84,044, and a bachelor’s degree is not required (though it is recommended.)
Assistant to who? Special how? This job comes with a few questions, but it does answer the question of what you could do with your life if you dropped out of college this semester.
4. Librarian: up to $100,736.
To be fair, you need a Masters to become a librarian. But this is one of the better paying Librarian jobs in the country.
5. Polygraph Examiner: up to $100,736 after training.
A bachelor's degree in anything, a penchant for secret-keeping, and a B average are required.
6. Environmental Safety Officer: up to $119,794.
That salary is close to that of a first year law associate at a large or mid-sized law firm. In other words, that salary is a lot of money.
There is no way these jobs, some of which do not even require degrees, and all of these jobs exceed the average salaries for applicants with the same major, are valued so highly just by virtue of free market economics. Therefore, the CIA must be incentivizing them (and/or crashing the world economy to make these jobs seem even more lucrative) in a bid to monopolize and manipulate our generation into joining its ranks. Conspiracy = proven.
