For a long time I didn't even use the word "survivor." First I denied what happened, then I blamed myself for not running away and finally I realized how stupid that was.

Why was it stupid?

I realized that everything I had ever learned about rape was wrong, and that in itself is completely wrong. Rape isn't a woman in a skimpy dress getting too drunk and "asking for it." Rape isn't a man who can't control himself because there a girl in a skirt. Rape is the forcible act or the threat of force in order to compel another person to submit or commit sexual intercourse or other penetration. Rape doesn't discriminate against gender, gender expression, sexual orientation, race, economic class or any other criteria. Rape isn't about sex, it's about the power one person holds over another.

Being a survivor is taking that power back.

This is where America (and most of the world) gets it wrong. It's hard to recoup that power when, from the time you are born, girls are responsible for boys actions. Don't even get me started on the "if he picks on you, he likes you" thing. In school, girls have to dress a particular way and when you grow up one of the first questions you are asked is, "what where you wearing?" At no point should I have to change my life to prevent males of any age from doing something wrong. I'm not saying that all males are rapists or that all rapists are male; I'm trying to prove that victim blaming is a thing.

It makes me cry to this day to think about the victim blaming I've experienced. It makes me cry when I hear of other stories about victim blaming. As a survivor, I actually cry a lot. I know that that is part of my healing process, and I am still healing. I'm aware of that. I didn't report my attack to anyone, but when I cry the most it's from the stories I hear about rapists walking or getting a slap on the wrist because the survivor was drunk, dressed/dancing provocatively etc.

I wouldn't wish what I've been through on anyone.

I wouldn't even wish it on the man who did this to me. I know that sounds dumb, but what I've been through is awful and I know that I'm strong without having to prove it to anyone else. That's what I have to tell myself everyday, I am strong. I have the power that he tried to take away from me.

That's not enough, though.

I shouldn't be the only one telling myself that I have power over my life. Every survivor deserves to hear this from every nurse, doctor, police officer, attorney, judge and most important, family member. It's important that the rest of us realize that could be us, or a loved one, and that we would need to hear that too. We've all survived something and it's important to remind ourselves and others how strong we are as human beings.