Being a perfectionist can come with its perks, like always being on time or having kick-butt organizational skills, but when it comes to dating, there is no such thing as "perfect," which makes it really hard to date.
Being a perfectionist may feel like I have to do everything for the people I date, like doing their laundry or making their beds. I have to make everything perfect, and when it comes to helping clean my boyfriend's room, that isn't such a bad thing, since he definitely needs the help.
However, eventually it gets past just helping with chores and turns into trying to change actual qualities of the people I date in order to make them fit my idea of perfection.
I am very outgoing and I love going to social events. I always drag my very shy boyfriend to everything in hopes that he will also miraculously begin to enjoy the same things I do. I know he doesn't want to go and that large groups of strangers make him uncomfortable, and yet I still insist on making him go. A while ago, I started to wonder why I kept doing that.
Then I realized that I have done that to everyone I have ever dated or even been friends with. If they're shy, I try to fix that. If they don't do well in school, I try to fix that, too. It doesn't really matter what it is, but if I see something that I don't deem a "perfect" quality, I try to "fix" it.
Usually this problem-solving technique is really great for my own life, but when it turns into changing people, it really isn't OK, and it took me a while to realize that I was even doing it because I never thought about it.
Once I knew I was doing it, I realized that there is no reason for me to try to change people, which I think is something most perfectionists probably struggle with. For me, I think I try to "fix" people because that is better than the alternative: a breakup.
However, it doesn't always have to end that way. I have learned that I can overlook a lot of things, like shyness or being a little messy, since I can be those things, too. And if there are problems that can't be ignored, then you're probably better off not having a relationship with that person rather than trying to "cure" them.
So for all my perfectionists out there, remember that men aren't like houses: you can't just buy a fixer-upper and make it into your dream home. There is no such thing as perfect when it comes to human beings, and there is no way you are going to make someone perfect for you, just because you try hard enough. You just need to wait until you either can learn to love the "imperfections," or find someone who doesn't need "fixing."
You never know...those "imperfections" may have been the perfection you were searching for all along.
