While we are all recovering from celebrating the land of the free and the home of the brave, you may be thinking how great it is to live in a free country. You may also be thinking: Just how free are we here in the US of A? Well, back in the day we could do pretty much anything we wanted. However, due to our reckless ancestors, our State governments felt as though they needed to make a few laws to keep our citizens and beautiful country safe. Here are the strangest laws in each state; this really makes you wonder what kind of debauchery was happening a hundred years ago.
Alabama: You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time. You might sit on it, or get a bench dirty. Whatever.
Alaska: Moose may not be viewed from an airplane. How could you even get a good view from that high up?
Arizona: You can face up to 25 years in prison for cutting down a cactus. It would probably be more of a punishment if the cactus came falling towards you while cutting it down.
Arkansas: Alligators may not be kept in bathtubs. Dang it, he’ll have to go back to the pond now.
California: Bingo games cannot last more than five hours. Betty, we’ve been playing long enough. B-15 just isn’t going to happen.
Colorado: You cannot ride a horse while under the influence. Woah there.
Connecticut: In order for a pickle to be a pickle, it must bounce. We have an imposter! There it is, on the floor!
Delaware: It’s illegal to wear pants that are “firm fitting” around the waist. Bye bye, muffin tops.
Florida: It’s illegal to sell your children. That’s it, Jimmy, I’ve had it!
Georgia: Chickens are not allowed to cross the road. Why did the chicken cross the road? Oh wait …
Hawaii: All residents can be fined for not owning a boat. You WILL have ocean fun.
Idaho: A man cannot give his fiancée a box of candy that weighs more than 50 pounds. Why would anyone ever need that much candy?
Illinois: The English language is not to be spoken. Hola, amigo.
Indiana: You cannot attend a public event or use public transportation for four hours after eating garlic or onions. Thank goodness. I don’t need your nasty breath trapped next to me.
Iowa: Kisses may last for no more than five minutes. No world records for kissing broken here.
Kansas: No one may sing the alphabet on the streets at night. Sorry, you can’t practice for your American Idol audition anymore at night. On the streets. With the ABCs as your song of choice.
Kentucky: Throwing eggs at a public speaker could result in up to a year in prison. I think booing would suffice.
Louisiana: It’s illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol. But not illegal to rob the bank and shoot with a real pistol??
Maine: After January 14th you can be fined for having your Christmas decorations still up. You get two weeks, people, then the holiday joy is gone.
Maryland: It’s illegal to take a lion to the movies. What? How? Just no.
Massachusetts: You cannot go to bed without first having a full bath. Shower before bed anyways, ya nasties.
Michigan: A robber can file a lawsuit if he or she got hurt in your house. “You’ve been served.” “For what?” “The broken ankle your burglar had when they tripped over your table.”
Minnesota: It’s illegal to sleep naked. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Mississippi: It’s unlawful to shave on Main Street. Get it together, people.
Missouri: Single men between the ages of 21-50 must pay a tax of one dollar. Wife me up, and I’ll save you money. You’re welcome.
Montana: Worrying squirrels is illegal. Oh, you want this acorn? Just kidding!
Nebraska: Doughnut holes may not be sold. What is this world coming to?!
Nevada: If you have a mustache, it’s illegal to kiss a woman. Beard burn is real, and it hurts.
New Hampshire: It is illegal to pick seaweed up off the beach. Just throw your towel over it.
New Jersey: If you’re even convicted of a DWI, you can never apply for personalized license plates again. This is why you can’t have nice things.
New Mexico: A woman cannot go out in public unshaven. This shouldn’t have to be a law, ladies.
New York: People may not slurp their soup. Finally a law that makes sense!!!!
North Carolina: Elephants may not be used to plow cotton fields. Where would one even go to get an elephant?
North Dakota: It’s illegal to fall asleep with your shoes on. Come on, No Dak, didn’t Sammy Adams teach you anything?
Ohio: Participating in or conducting a duel is prohibited. Sorry, Harry and Draco, no more dueling.
Oklahoma: Making “ugly faces” at dogs can result in a fine or jail time. So if you have chronic RBF, be aware.
Oregon: You cannot eat a doughnut and walk backwards down the street. Sorry, my multitasking skills are on point.
Pennsylvania: It’s illegal to have over 16 women live in a house together because that constitutes a brothel. Did anyone notify the sorority houses?
Rhode Island: No one may bite off another’s leg. How does one even do such a thing?
South Carolina: No work may be done on a Sunday. Don’t need to tell me twice.
South Dakota: No horses are allowed into Fountain Inn unless they are wearing pants. I would love to see what a horse in pants looks like.
Tennessee: It’s a crime to share your Netflix password. What kind of savages live here?
Texas: It’s illegal to sell your eyeballs. I don’t even know why this had to be created, and I don’t want to know.
**BONUS** I could not leave this unknown to the public.
Texas 2.0: Flirting is against the law in San Antonio. How do couples ever form?
Utah: You can marry your cousin if you are both over the age of 65. You have your cousins, then you have your first cousins …
Vermont: It’s illegal to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole. Hold on, Steve, I’ll be right back. I just need to run into the store quick.
Virginia: It’s against the law for a woman to drive a car on Main Street unless her husband is walking in front of her waving a red flag. How about I run you and your silly flag over with my great driving skills?
Washington: Motorists with criminal intentions must stop at city limits and call the chief of police as he enters the town. “Hey buddy, just wanted to let you know I’m about to come tear up your town. See ya in a bit!”
West Virginia: For each act of public swearing, a person shall be fined one dollar. We all have that friend who needs this law in their life.
Wisconsin: One cannot allow another to use their telephone to make prank phone calls. Did these lawmakers have a childhood?
Wyoming: Using a firearm to fish is prohibited. But what kind of great aim would that take?