1. Be older than us.
2. Handle your alcohol, we know you like whiskey.
3. Give us your alcohol.
4. As a matter of fact, you should buy us alcohol.
5. Don’t be remotely sarcastic.
6. There’s nothing less sexy than a chauvinist.
7. Don't be too clingy.
8. But drop your fraternity, so we can hangout all the time.
9. And if I think your friends suck, drop them, too.
10. Take us shopping when we want, spoil us when we want.
11. Make a homemade dinner from scratch. No, Guy Fieri can't help you with this one.
12. Be someone we’d want to hang out with sober and drunk.
13. Have an attractive father. Trust me, it's important.
14. Come from a wealthy, upper class family.
15. Major in Finance, Engineering, Computer Science, or anything that denotes 6 figure plus salary in the future.
16. Ditch your sweatpants.
17. While we're at that, ditch your pastels, sperry's, and anything that screams, "My dad can sue yours."
18. Be tall.
19. Be intelligent.
20. Be funny.
21. Don't always talk about sports.
22. Handle your hangovers.
23. But make sure to nurse us during ours. Cook us breakfast while you're at it.
24. You should purchase flowers and chocolates for us during that "time of month." And you better be up to listen to the explicits.
25. Have abs.
26.It's a major turnoff if you cry, or veer away from masculine standards for even a moment.
27. NEVER watch the Victoria's Secret show.
28. Speaking of which, get rid of your porn.
29. Don't make our friends hate you.
30. Don’t make my father hate you.
31. Don't be a f*ckboy.
32. Shave your beard and shed your bell belly.
33. If we have a fight, admit that we're right. Always.
34. Clean your sh*t.
35. You're my boyfriend, not my overprotective dad or brother. Remember, we can hang out with other guys.
36. Hang out with other girls, you ask? HAHAHA.
37. You hate condoms, but I hate sexually transmitted infections/unannounced pregnancy even more, so deal with it since you're so needy.
38. Your GPA better be higher than mine because I need someone to rely on, mooch off of, and be my source of discretionary income when I'm your Stepford Wife.
39. Agree with our opinions.
40. Don't vent to us about your problems. That's OUR job.
41. Make sure your social media profiles are over saturated with posts on me, me, ME.
42. Surprise with Michael Kohrs bags/watches/anything designer for anniversaries. 43. Allow us to peruse through your phone whenever we want.
44. Know how to sing, dance, be a D1 athlete, read academic dissertations, cook Filet Mignon, build stuff, cure cancer, and eat fire without dying.
45. We will never be the girl from your Hustler magazine residing in the bathroom. You still have to look like Zac Efron, though. Get over it.
46. Pop your ego.
47. But don't have insecurities. Ew.
48. Don't cheat on me with my best friend.
49. In fact, don't cheat on me with any of your friends. Don't even mention if you think they're hot, because I already know that.
50. Don't have unrealistic dating standards. Don't have ridiculous expectations for women. Trust me, we think this list is garbage.
