If you have ever been close to someone who has suffered from a long-term health condition, then you know how utterly baffling it can be to try and work out the best ways to physically and emotionally support them. Since there are no immediate solutions to their problem, it becomes about helping them deal with it. However, finding a balance between seeming patronizing and coming off completely insensitive is tricky, and the reality is each sufferer will be at a different place mentally with their condition anyway.
However, there are a few sure-fire ways to help put a smile on your friend's face and, at the end of the day, this is all we ‘sick people’ want – just like everyone else.
1. Don't Pity Them
It’s easy to think that the best response to your friend’s anecdotes of terrible flare-ups and challenging situations is to tell them how sorry you are. Occasionally, they will require your genuine support and affection. However, more often than not, all they really want from you is to accept that these things are their normality. They want to be able to talk about their problems without watching all the faces of listeners glaze over with sympathy; they want to be able to laugh about the things they go through without making you feel awkward to laugh with them.
Consider yourself on the other side of the equation, imagine every conversation you have is laced with sad faces and pity. The reality is that this is their normality and they’d really appreciate it if everyone treated it that way. Sure, help them when they need it and comfort them when they’re sad, but apart from that let their problems be as normal as your difficult evening with the kids or your stressful drive to work (i.e. frustrating, but a part of life.)
2. Go & Visit
A great thing you can do for your chronically sick friend is to accept that they can’t always come out and join in with social events. An even better thing is then to make an effort to go and visit them. While being ill and out in a large, crowded, public place is a living nightmare that you do everything to avoid when you’re sick, it also sucks to be the only one stuck at home and missing out all the time. As someone with a chronic illness, one of the hardest things to deal with is not being able to do the things that I actually really want to do.
So don’t be a stranger; even just a bit of company can be the highlight of your day if you’re laid up in bed all of the time. However, make sure you don’t overstay your welcome. Being sick is tiring, and as much as the company is always massively appreciated, sometimes even just ten minutes of talking can be too much. Ask your sick friend what they’re up for and reassure them that they can always ask you to leave if it gets too much.
3. Make Them Tea
If you’re English, then you know that a good cup of tea can solve all your problems, but I’m sure there are regional equivalents for places all around the world so edit this point to be relevant to you! In short, offering a cup of tea (or equivalent) is a great gesture to let your friend know that you’re there and that you’re thinking of them.
Sometimes when you’re ill, the only thing that will make you smile is feeling a little big special. So if you’re friend is struggling with long-term problems, offering to make them a cup of tea, or another small gesture, let’s them know that there is someone out there who has their back and is willing to go just that little bit further to help them feel better about life.
4. Talk About Their Condition
When your illness is taking up the vast amount of your life, there often isn’t much time to think about other things. This means, when you’re sat in social situations full of healthy people, it can be a struggle to make conversation about 'normal' things. On the flip side, if you do manage to make small talk about things other than your health, it almost feels like being sick is this massive part of your life that you have to be ashamed of.
Because of this, if you’re the one with the sick friend then one of the kindest things you can do is take an interest in their conditions and ask about the problems. It’s complicated, tedious, and often a little gross, but they will be so very grateful that someone is acting interested in the never-ending saga that is their health. Not only will you make them smile, but you’ll help to validate their existence and make them feel a little less isolated from the mysterious world of the ‘normal healthy people.'
5. Give Them A Break
Last, but very much not least, the best thing you can do for you sick friend is to take the pressure off and let them get on with things. This doesn’t mean giving them a get-out-of-jail-free-card if they’ve done something wrong, simply remembering that they’re dealing with so much under the surface that their actions and words aren’t always the most mindful and positive.
Speaking from my experience, when I’m dealing with extreme amounts of pain I become incredibly irritable and intolerant of even the slightest things. I can even feel myself whelming up with shame now when I think back to some of the explosions I’ve had at my nearest and dearest due to feeling extra crappy because my health is playing up. It’s hard to recognize, and even more difficult to tolerate, but if you can empathize just a little bit with the terrible mood swings of your sick friend, then they will be endlessly grateful.
It can be disarming dealing with chronic illness, both for the sufferer and all of their loved ones. Some days it can feel like you've lost control over life. But it the midst of all this chaos, sometimes the simplest actions can be the most valuable.
If you can think of any other helpful advice for the friends and families of sick people that deserve a spot on this list, then be sure to leave a comment below!
