As you get older, friends come and go. You mold into new cliques and develop different relationships with a lot of people. Part of adapting to friend groups is forming a title. Whether the label is spoken or just known, you usually adopt the role quite soon - after about 2 or 3 weeks as a member of the squad. Some titles consist of:
The Emotional one
The Player
The Rich one
The Lazy one
The Slutty one
The Stoner
The Nerd
and many more... but most importantly -
The Mom.
Being the mother of multiple children who are the same age as you is more normal than you think. In college, you get another chance to start off fresh. You start to find yourself through noticing your own (new or old) interests, habits, scheduling, hobbies, etc. Even though you often find your friends anywhere from an exact clone of your personality or completely opposite from you, the title you take on is usually consistent. Of course, some people possess multiple different labels (i.e. the Lazy and Stoner friend). However, when you're a mom - your main priority is your children. Always.
1. Clean Up On Aisle: "Me"
Here, there are a few scenarios: (a.)The morning after the banger party you're cleaning up solo cups and beer bottles, you're breaking down a dozen pizza boxes, and you're disinfecting every inch of the place. (b.) After "family dinner" you're cleaning up the entire kitchen after the meal you prepared for 4 hours that served your 12 kids - all while they're in the other room watching Sunday Night Football. Also, you then realize that you're still wearing your apron and rubber gloves 2.5 hours later.
2. The Babysitter
When all of your friends (kids) are partying, you are their Fairy God Mother. Let's quiz you, shall we?
Q: Becky, the emotional drunk, is crying on the couch to a guy about her ex-boyfriend and talking about calling/texting him. Do you (a.) yell at her to not do it, (b.) take her phone, (c.) let her do it to see the consequences - for the 15th time that week alone, or (d.) talk to her calmly and rationally about how it's not a good idea?
A: All of the above.
Q: Darrell, the player, is in the corner of the room talking to a cute girl with great boobs and a nice butt. Knowing Darrell's intentions are simply consisting of the "Wam Bam, Thank You Ma'am" concept, do you (a.) Ignore it, (b.) Cock-Block, (c.) Casually slip a condom into his pocket, or (d.) Mention something that embarrasses him enough for her to YEET out of there.
A: Once again, all of the above.
3. The Designated Driver
The kids won't shut up in the back seat. Jason threw up, Nicole won't stop singing (holy shit, plug your ears), Mike is really mad at PopTarts and keeps flicking Jess for crying over missing her dogs. You pull over to the side of the road, turn around and say the classic line;
"Hey guys, let's play the quiet game!"
They get super excited because you're being a really nice and super cool mom. Even though you wanted to say something more along the lines of
"Knock it off or you're all walking home," or *screaming* "Shut the hell up," or "I hate all of you, never talk to me again after tonight."
Well, you didn't say those things and they still like you. Now it's about time for the 3 AM McDonald's drive-thru ritual. Aaaaand $58 later, they're quiet - eating McDoubles and humming to Ed Sheeran on the radio in your Volvo.
4. The Hero
You are their inspiration. You're a single mother of 12 and going to school full-time. You're strong AF. You're a MILF, and you better never forget it. You give them each about 6 pep talks a week, just to keep them from becoming strippers - even though you sometimes encourage their stupid actions. You are their rock.
U SMART
U LOYAL
THEY APPRECIATE U
GO BUY SOMETHIN YO'SELF NICE
You are their key to success, their most attentive listener, their biggest fan, their favorite cardigan wearer, their therapist, their hookup coach, and their notorious (under-recognized) leader. You're Mom.
