About a week after our wedding, someone asked me “So how was your wedding?”

I abruptly responded, “Great, but I am so glad it’s over!”

Don’t get me wrong, I was one of those girls that started planning her wedding at four and had a pinterest board at 12. While my pinterest board came in handy for planning my big day, the layers of stress were still peeling off my skin after a month of being married. I had planned for years for the wedding, and suddenly I had been plunged into this big thing called marriage. My husband (M) and I have been married for a three months. We are not experts in the least bit on marriage!

But here are some of tips and things we have learned as newlyweds.

1. Communication

My dad always said marriage was built on three C’s: chemistry, commitment and communication. I always thought communication was just the words that came out of your mouth, but communication is so much more. For example communication includes what you're saying, the tone, nonverbal cues, and your partner’s reaction. Communication is a two way street; it is what one person is saying and how the other person is receiving it. If I want to effectively communicate with my husband, I have to ensure that what I am communicating is respectful, loving, and being received correctly. We run into a problem when a miscommunication occurs or an underlying message is being perceived. Communication is an art that you and your partner continue to get better at the more you practice and communicate well.

2. Love Languages

When M and I first started dating we discussed each other’s love languages right away. We both knew the importance and valued showing the other person that we loved them in the best possible way. My top two love languages are quality time and acts of service. My husband is really good at showing that he loves me. Two of my favorite things he does is help out around the house (dishes, laundry, vacuuming..you name it he is on it!) and makes me coffee in the morning. These are two very simple things that really he does not have to do, but he knows that I really value and appreciate them.

3. Finances

People say money is one of the main issues that marriages end over. Figure out a budget and stick to it! Factor in your monthly income, debt, bills, savings etc. and develop a budget that works for you. Maybe one of you is a spender and one a saver, develop a system for saving and allowed spending money. Treat savings like a bill each month to build up that cushion. Track your expenses on an app or spreadsheet so you know how much you are spending. The worst thing you can do with finances is not communicate and not know where your money is going. Take action and take control of this area of your life.

4. Intentional Time

I thought when we got married we would have a lot more time together. I thought simply because we lived in the same house that we would naturally have more time and in reality we do! But it is what we choose to do with that time. I find most of the time we have together can easily be eaten away with work, household stuff, or other outside activities. But the reality is your time with your partner is the most important. We had to set intentional time to connect and talk. We usually do this either right when both of us get home from work or at dinner. Even if we both are exhausted and decide to plop down on the couch, Netflix is turned off so we can connect for an hour. We also set aside a weekly date night. This may seem silly for a couple with no kids, but for us it's essential. We need that extra connection time free from distractions and other obligations.

5. Home of Origin

You and your partner both come from very different families and places. Even if you both have similar families, the fact is both of you were raised in different homes. Understanding your family background and own family culture can help you communicate those differences to your spouse. Simple things like taking off your shoes before you enter the house, wiping up the bathroom counter once you are done, and how you do laundry is translated into you from your home of origin.Other deeper issues or values can come from your family of origin. Communication is once again important to navigate what you want in your family and what you don’t want. Make an effort to pick up the habits you want and discard the habits you don’t want. For example my parents modeled good communication and connecting with each other above kids. This is something M and I have included and will continue to include in our marriage.