I’m a 22-year-old millennial dude, who like almost every other Generation Y member has been through the precarious, nauseating, frustrating, totally-awesome, Instagram-sponsored* stage of “talking.” I’ve learned a couple things from my experiences, most of which are that watching Grey’s Anatomy and eating Chipotle are always better decisions. But those ideas wouldn’t help much. So here’s five thoughts, in no particular order, on how to take-on talking.

*Disclaimer: Talking not actually sponsored by Instagram but basically. *

1) Know What You Want.

This is so incredibly obvious and also what seems to be the hardest concept for millennials to grasp. There’s nothing more annoying than being told by someone, “I don’t know what I want.” Well if you don’t know you want me, then I should move on right? Don’t be the person that hands out this go-to response. We know what we want and what we don’t want, so we need to communicate it, with words. In person. (Men are especially guilty of this, stop that.) You may both want the same thing but you don’t know if you’re not talking about it. What a crazy idea, talking while in the talking stage.

2) Pursue.

You’ve been flirting with each other, liking each other’s Instagram selfies, and you text each other “hey” every couple of days. Sounds pretty serious. However, you’re never the first texter two times in a row.

You know what you want, so go pursue it. Maybe you could like each other’s Instagram selfies while sitting next to each other…in a restaurant…with food minus your phones. Us millennials tend to hide behind our screens and not pursue what we want because we’re scared. Be different, pursue what you want. If signs of reciprocation are there, take a risk. It may lead to more than just another like on your Insta.

3) Chill Out.

You’re in college – eighteen, nineteen, twenty-something, so chill out. Don’t go from texting for a week to planning a wedding. This isn’t how solid relationships are founded, this is how people get scared off. It’s great if you know you’re searching for a long-term relationship – the talking stage is part of that process but you can’t go from 0-100. Take a chill-pill and go with the flow. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t pursue something if the signs of reciprocation are there. This does mean you shouldn’t stalk their activity on Instagram, cut off communication with your friends to leave your schedule open for if they call, or text them every second of the day asking to hang-out. Slow and steady wins the long-term relationship with a strong foundation built on trust and no forced pressure.

4) Don't Force It.

This goes along with chilling out. Don’t make all your plans based on what they’re doing. Don’t constantly put aside what you want to do to be available for them. Don’t adjust the way you act to appeal to them because honestly, that whole genuine thing is what they should really want. Forcing it during the talking stage sets the paradigm that if a relationship happens, it’ll be the same way. If you “fake it 'til you make it” you’ll realize that you made it, but suddenly faking it gets old.

Also, side note: don’t force it in the compatibility or chemistry department either. Can’t fake it, won’t make it.

5) Leave It On The Table.

It’s a relationship, it’s a friendship, it’s a fun blimp in time and now you’re strangers again. The talking stage creates a possibility for all the three of these scenarios. Often, if there was no friendship or connection pre-feels, the rift of the stage ending will be life before you were talking. The one best piece of unsolicited advice I can give here: leave it on the table. By that, I mean tell the person what you feel, what you think, where you stand. Even though this can be unbelievably awkward (yep), closure is the easiest way to move on if you’re talking flat lines (#truth). Yes, it’s a risk that you end up with the blimp in time scenario but leaving things unexpressed and playing over and over again in your head will take way too much more of your time. Express yourself before you wreck yourself.

Moral of the Story:

Millennials are creative, ambitious and caring but this beast called “we’re talking” created by social media, Tinder and our ability to know what people are doing at all times is a challenge most of us are going to have to take on. So know what you want, pursue it, don’t stress or force things to happen, and leave whatever you have to say on the table.

Much Love,

Brittan Smith