Living with Crohn's Disease in day-to-day life is a hit or miss. The day can either go super-duper well with little to no problems, or completely and utterly dreadful with every symptom imaginable raining down. Even though a bad day can be applied to healthy people's lives as well, most healthy people don't spend their days in doctor's offices, glued to the toilet, having multiple infusions of medicine, or feeling too weak to even leave bed. While a healthy person may be tired from their day at work or school, a Crohn's Disease patient can be exhausted just from doing regular activities such as showering.
While symptoms can be tough to trudge through, I believe that one of the biggest struggles of living with what is considered an "invisible" illness is dealing with the judgements of others. Healthy people may think that they're helping when they give advice to their friend who has Crohn's, but until they've lived with the disease or been up-close and personal with someone suffering from it, they should keep their helpful tidbits and "compliments" to themselves. To keep your Crohn's buddy from chewing your head off the next time you're feeling philosophical about their disease, here are 5 things you should never say to someone with Crohn's Disease.
1. "But, you don't look sick!"
The look you'll get if you ever make this statement to a Crohn's patient will be withering at the least. Most of those suffering with Crohn's deal with the disease internally. It affects anywhere from the mouth to the rectum. As far as I know, that's inside the body. Unless you want to stand in at the next colonoscopy, you're not going to see much. If you meant this as a compliment, stop right there, buddy. Not only does this make the person on the receiving end of your comment feel that they have to prove their illness to you now, it invalidates them completely. It makes them feel as though they're faking, even though they definitely aren't. The symptoms that they deal with everyday are real and valid, even if you don't personally see them. Next time, settle with something a little less insulting, like, "You look good today! How are you feeling?"
2. "Have you tried-"
Yes, I assure you, I have probably tried everything in the book! There are multiple treatments for Crohn's Disease and there isn't one definitive treatment that cures all. I really don't care that your dear Aunt Sally "cured" (no offense to her, but she didn't cure anything, she's in remission) her Crohn's by eating only goat cheese and berries until she was blue in the face. I mean, good for her, but that's not the plan for me. I'm going to stick with listening to my doctor's advice and go with the treatment plan that is best for me, not for dear Aunt Sally or anyone else, for that matter.
3. "You've lost/gained so much weight!"
Your best bet? Leave weight out of it. Those dealing with Crohn's Disease are self-conscious enough as it is about the changes to their body. Telling them that they look like a skeleton or how "healthy" they look (with that judging once-over that shows you don't mean what you said at all) isn't going to bode well. We deal with enough criticism from ourselves because we can't function the way healthy people do, we don't need you weighing in (no pun intended) on our appearance. Even if you meant it in a "You look great!" kind of way, it's best to keep your mouth shut and just enjoy spending time with your friend.
4. "Why are you so tired all of the time?"
Ohhh, I don't know, possibly because my intestines are inflamed! Now, shoo, I need my beauty rest.
5. "I have IBS, it isn't that bad!"
Unless you've been officially diagnosed with a form of IBS, don't even start. Just because you occasionally have a day where you and the toilet are joined at the hip because you ate a questionable burrito, does not mean you have any form of IBS whatsoever. Self-diagnosis is a dangerous game to play at because you can wrongly medicate and harm yourself. If you believe you do have Crohn's or Ulcerative Colitis, it's best to schedule an appointment with a GI physician, instead of suffering in silence. Pay attention to symptoms if you think you have either disease!
So, there you have it! Those are 5 things to never, ever, ever say to someone with Crohn's Disease. Stick to being a positive light in the person's life, instead of trying to help with something you don't completely understand or give compliments that end up hurting more than helping.
