Everyone has gone through that type of heartbreak, where you feel like your whole world has crumbled since they left. I've had my fair share of troubles with getting over the past. Here are a few things I wish I could still say though.
1. You have taught me that I truly deserve so much more than what you had to offer.
How can I say that when I spent so much of my time waiting for you to look at me with pride? You could never give me what I need. You made me cry, made me believe that you were a better person than I'd ever amount to be, and talked down to me when my ability towers over anything you could produce. Once you had me, you never tried again. you treated me as though I was worth less than the dirt beneath your feet. Since you left me, I've learned better. I am my own person and I am stronger because of what you put me through. I hope you never put another girl through the same thing.
2. I don't miss you anymore
It's taken me ages to let the thought of you go. You were gone before you even knew. I lost you the second you stopped trying. The only thing I will ever miss are the memories we made before we were together; when you were still on the chase, giving me the time of day. Before we were ever an item, I had actually crossed your mind. But you? No, I will never let you haunt me.
3. You will look for me in everyone.
I'd wish you the best, but I'm already gone. You will never find someone that looks at you the way I did, feel the same amplitude of love again. Soon enough, the universe will take all of the shade you've thrown and pair you with someone or something that will drain you like you drained me.
4. I know you never loved me.
If I ever got a speck of love from you, it was misplaced. You never loved me. Those three words just spilled out of your mouth into your big puddle of lies. If you loved me, you wouldn't have had to say it. I would've seen you more, you would've at least acted like you cared. If you loved me, you wouldn't have wanted me out of your life. You would have never looked anywhere for something else.
5. Thank you for leaving my life.
Once I was able to accept the fact that you were gone for good, I found someone who is excited to be a part of my life, able to give me the respect I deserve and treat me like I am his queen. He is proud to be seen with me. He can look me in the eye and know that he has nothing to hide from me. This man loves me. You were a boy who always wanted something more. But a boy wont appreciate me, think I'm worth it, see my strengths, or see me as his equal. But a boy like you doesn't see those things. Your constant absence has guided me into the arms of a man, thank you.
"She was a loaded gun and he was just a boy. Nearly blew out his brains 'cause he mistook her for a toy."
-Shakieb Orgunwell
