2016 was full of drama (alt-right triumph), romance (Drake and Rihanna), and revenge (Rust Belt vs. the Democratic party). Logically, it should have appealed to the general populace, but this year has been almost universally reviled. Everyone is individually reeling over the death of a close family member and the election and Brexit and Blac Chyna leaving Rob! Here are five 2016 trends that ruined it for us.
1. “Bone App the Teeth” or “Bone Apple Tea”
First things first, this joke is not funny! The core of this meme is just a flimsy “ignorant” interpretation of the phrase “bon appetit” which most people learn by third grade, tops. Most years, we could probably let it go. Everyone would be allowed to send one (only one!) snapchat to their close friends (not posted on their public story!) referencing this joke, but 2016 was not typical. We can’t even afford that. Our quota for kitsch was filled by everyone’s aunt crawling out of suburban somewhere to post fake news about #pizzagate on Facebook.
2. Ticket scalping
Anything that brings Greg Mankiw down from his tenured throne to preach at us must be stopped. If we get another storytime reading about the just hand of the market, I will actively pray for the failure of the theater industry.
3. Donald Trump’s twitter account
By now, Donald Trump’s twitter account has reached the real pits of culture—it’s become boring. Trump himself only knows six phrases, and there’s only so many times he can attack things we hold sacred (SNL, Vanity Fair, China) before we change the channel. May the new year bring Donald Trump an enlarged vocabulary and some subtlety.
4. Abrupt demonetization
Demonetization is the economic Silly Bandz. In vogue this year. For some reason or other. And of course, it petered out into unhappy results.
5. Peter Thiel getting involved with politics
Peter Thiel needs to stop with the superhero dress-up. To discover that privacy rights are being upheld by a single willful billionaire! Sure, this isn't legally wrong, but it is creepy as hell. No rich white man should be able to universally speak for justice, not even Bruce Wayne. And all this on top of the staggering blow that professional wrestling is fake! Hulk Hogan isn’t even his real name!
Terrence Gene Bollea prays he won't have to deal with Peter Thiel next year.
2017 will doubtless bring more tragedies. Each of us will have to make a fatal choice to either reject Kanye for his political views or love him in spite of them. Brother pitted against brother, we will clash over the direction of our country, Taylor Swift's next awards show outfit, and probably Planned Parenthood. 2017 will not be easy, but it will be more entertaining if we can do away with some of these awful trends.
