It's a lot harder than it seems...

Being a Military Significant Other (MILSO) is one of the hardest jobs I ever had. It gives you so many amazing experiences, memories and relationships. And when it's all over, because the service got the best of your relationship, it takes some of that away, too. I think anyone who has ever filled the shoes of this position and then had to leave the shoes at the door can totally relate, whether it was your decision or theirs.

The Given

1. Family

Dating a military man/woman leads to becoming family with their family, as well as the branch itself. My ex's family became my own too. They included me in everything, supported me on the hard days apart, and loved me unconditionally. Not only did his family love and support me, but any other Marine Corps family member did too. We had Facebook pages to keep updated and informed, as well as just to share happiness. We were proud supporters of our servicemen/servicewomen, as well as we were of one another. It was really nice to be able to connect with strangers due to the hardship we both understood.

2. Friends

The friendships I made while my recruit was in boot camp became friends that have lasted beyond comprehension. I met girls from New Jersey, Kentucky, Florida, and even places close to my home. We became each other's backbone throughout this journey. I think connecting with people who were in the exact same shoes as me, especially at the same time, leads to bonds you cannot fathom. My marine and I broke up 7 months ago and I still talk and hang out with girls I met during my time as a MILSO. If we're being honest, for those of us who got dumped, we are the real winners. We got a happier ending and a relationship that's way stronger with each other!

3. Strength

Normally a MILSO is a lot stronger than you think. I will give any one of them credit for that. You may think they cry and whine a lot about missing their loved one, but seriously do you wanna give it a try? Do you really want the person you're in love with shipped away to intense mental and physical training where they will become a whole new person? Do you want to be oceans apart or on other ends of the country? Didn't think so. Please give them a hug, a high-five or a pat on the back because the strength you build as a MILSO emotionally, physically and mentally is excruciating and hard. You stay in shape to keep up with them, you fight off the hardships of loneliness, and you overcome the obstacles to prove to yourself and others that you are strong! Even after they leave, you still know what you're capable of. Rock On MILSO's both former and present and future!

4. Travel Experiences

OK, literally this one's pretty cool. Having someone that is yours defending our country is already something outstanding! It fills you with so much pride and it also grants you the opportunity to see more of the world. You can't stand being apart for forever, and those are the times you both plan a flight and next thing you know you're off to the Carolina's to spend a few days with your lover. The memories made and the places you experience make the job of being a MILSO just a little bit easier.

5. Eye Opener to True Love

True love is endless. Being a MILSO made me realize that. However, I didn't realize it until after my Marine left me, and honestly, I do not know if I ever would've had he not. I put forth so much effort, so much time, money and dedication towards a love and a relationship with someone who would give me half of that. I may have been demonstrating true love, but I wasn't being shown what it was. After I was broken hearted, I realized what I would never accept again. So fellow MILSO's, please never accept less than you deserve just because you think that it is OK. Stop making excuses because "they are away from home" or "busy," that doesn't affect their ability to love you like you deserve to be. Your job is hard too!

The Taken

1. Plans

After they go, or you go, and hearts are shattered; so are your plans. You no longer are about to run away and have a courthouse wedding, or live in military housing with your BFF's you made during basic. I had to start all over, and it is the most heartbreaking, painful and sickening feeling in the world to have to accept the blank page in front of you. Eventually, I embraced it, and made it into everything and anything I ever wanted. It just takes some time. It still always sucks a bit.

2. Hope

In a sense, after you retire and slip off the boots of being a MILSO, you lose hope. You do not understand how a love you felt didn't work out like the rest. You wonder if the rest will all end this way. The hope you had for a happily ever after slips through your grip and it's lost for a long long time. I cannot blame anyone for any method they try in order to find it again. I confided in bottles of Smirnoff's finest hoping eventually one of them would tell me the secret to having it again when I finished it off.

3. Tolerance

At times it is still extremely painful to sit there and watch others around you still succeed in their military relationships. It is hard to tolerate being in a room with the people who still get to love them, when I did not have that option. It is intolerable to see their branches' flag flying in the wind so freely when it stings your heart and the thought of them, and even the old you. Some songs will play that made you cry the entire time they were gone training, and no matter how long it has been you still cannot tolerate to listen to it. That's OK. It's kind of like PTSD except in a MILSO form.

4. Happiness

I don't mean just after the heartaches. I mean even during. Think of all the sacrifices you make. How often do they thank you? I think that being a MILSO goes so under-appreciated. I dedicated so much to supporting, loving and being there for them constantly that it becomes overwhelming and consuming. I didn't even think about my own happiness anymore. Nobody is 100 percent happy dedicating all their time and effort to someone who thinks that that is what they should be doing. And no, those five days home consisting of a few laughs and 10 minutes of passionate kissing doesn't make up for the 250 days apart, limited phone calls and ignored texts. Happiness is hard to get back after you have lost it so much. Trust me.

5. Family and Friends

Just as easily as they give us a set of new friends and an extended family, they can take it away. I think having to disconnect from the friends that were still successful and madly in love was hard and made me feel like an ass. I just couldn't do it without jealousy. I also think knowing that their family had to side with them no matter what was hard because you loved them all. You loved all 1,937 of them that you met on graduation day but that do not matter anymore. It's OK though because the real ones will stick around, MILSO or not.

Being a MILSO is complicated, but I am not saying every military relationship ends badly, and I am not saying everyone won't get that red, white and blue wedding they are planning on Pinterest. I praise you who still do it, who have done it, and who will have to someday. Whether you will, have or are, remember your worth and appreciate all the beauty it comes with. Appreciate the relationships formed during, and the ones you keep if it doesn't work out. Love those who continue to love you, and always remember what you deserve and how strong you are! It will give and take, and be one of the biggest things that may ever define you. Never let it give you everything because you never know if it will be taken away.