I had a pretty good experience dating in high school. Aside from the fact that boys in high school are kind of lackluster, I never had any problems with that sort of thing. The first boy I “liked” turned out to be interested in me as well, and this continued throughout high school. Alas, this good luck streak was not to last, and I found myself, during my first year out of high school, dealing with something I never had to deal with before: rejection.
Being rejected sucks. Being rejected for the first time, however, is a unique experience in of itself.
Stage 1: Incomprehension
I went on one date with my person of romantic interest. I quite enjoyed it, and I assumed he’d enjoyed it too. After a couple days went by without hearing anything from him, I reached out. I did get a few texts in return, but nothing that suggested he wanted anything more.
I, rejection virgin that I was, did not pick up on this.
It took me nearly two weeks to slowly realize that nothing was ever going to happen there, which I see was a bit pathetic looking back. Unanswered messages and ignored calls, we'd all agree, are clear signs. But when it’s the first time, it doesn’t seem like rejection until you’ve made a fool of yourself sending several messages without ever getting a reply.
Stage 2: Self-Doubt
After realizing things weren’t going to happen between us, I got a bit emotional. I’d only been on one date with the guy, but since I’d never experienced not being wanted, I fell into a bit of a funk wondering what I’d done wrong. Not unusual for me, but it was worse now because I felt like I’d done something wrong. I couldn’t come up with anything, though, that I’d done differently from the past and I always had success back then. That led me to stage three.
Stage 3: Angry Self-Love
Who was this guy, who I barely even knew, to reject me when no one else had before? What did he know? I am a glorious, wonderful human being, and he missed out.
That was the general thought process that I had directly after, along with an I-don’t-need-anybody sort of confidence that I wish I had all of the time.
Stage 4: Reflection
Anger burns out, unfortunately, so mega-confident me did not last. That was probably a good thing, since I started thinking about what I’d done wrong in a “How can I be a better human next time?” way. I hoped that the next time I’d get it right, so I wouldn’t have to deal with this undignified rejection nonsense again.
(I did have to deal with it again, but after all of the previous nonsense, I was much less blindsided by it.)
Stage 5: Acceptance
There’s a reason most people couple up in the first place. It’s because they find someone they click with better than they do with almost anyone else. Bad dates happen. Though I like to think there was a way I could have changed things, the fact is that not everyone you meet is going to click the right way. And, even if they do, things might not be reciprocal. I’ve found that it’s better not to push when things don’t seem to work right. It’s much better to find someone who’s as happy to be with you as you are with them.
