There’s this rumor flying around that being single is a bad thing. Maybe it’s because marriage was once an essential part of one’s status as a man or a woman, or maybe it’s media's need to interject a love story into everything. Whatever it may be, there is a fear of being alone that has been instilled in millions of people, particularly millennials. The idea that we absolutely must be with someone is why so many people stay in unhealthy relationships.
Here are some definite signs you should go:
1. You don’t find yourself attracted to them
People have a tendency of making others feel shallow for being particular about the looks of their partner. And while some of us definitely stress the physical more than need be, a physical attraction definitely should be there. Sure, there are cases where physical attraction is bred only after emotional attraction has been established, but if you find yourself several months into the relationship and still find their looks less than charming, it’s time to cut ties.
Not just because you deserve to be in a relationship with someone who makes you asthmatic, but they also deserve to be with someone who thinks that they’re living art. It really isn’t fair to drag someone along in a relationship while you’re trying to force the fire. Stop.
2. They makes jokes at your expense
A healthy sense of humor is a key component of any strong relationship but when you find that you’re often the butt of the joke there may be more at play than just a few chuckles.
The truth is very persistent, and it has a way forcing itself to be told. For many, the truth escapes them in the form of jokes. It’s a safe way of saying how you feel with having the “oh-I’m-just-messing-around-I’m-only-halfway-serious” safety net to fall into. Even better, it allows them the opportunity to make the other person feel guilty (“oh so you can’t take a joke?”) if they’re offended.
If your partner just can’t stop poking fun at your appearance, your intelligence or your habits and behaviors, then I’d call it pretty safe to say that they don’t like you as much as they let on.
3. They make you feel bad about yourself
Relationships require compromise, but if your significant other asks you to make significant changes to your life and lifestyle so that they could be more attracted to you, respect you more, or some other lame justification, then exit stage left. You’re a human being, not a car they decided to fix up.
Likewise, if your partner plays on known insecurities, or even tries to instill new ones, don’t just leave, run. Literally. As fast as you can. This is a form of emotional abuse that they’re using to try to manipulate and control you which could lead to other forms of abuse in the future. The only pretty way for that to end is if you haul ass out of there.
4. You can’t see yourself with them long-term
...or they’ve made it clear that they can’t see themselves with you long-term. As frightening as “being alone” might sound, it’s certainly worlds better than being a place-holder. We all deserve so much more than just warming the seat for the next person.
If you consider the fact that most of us are creatures of habit, using someone to pass the time can be dangerous in that you run the risk of becoming complacent. At best, a person who settles and remains in an undesirable situation just wastes a considerable amount of their time. But more often than not, settling begets resentment -- you resent the fact that you can’t get the years back, the opportunities, the sacrifices, etc.
Resentment is a heavy emotion to carry and unhealthy dependency is even worse. It’s best to avoid these problems altogether by getting out.
5. You’re only with them for their _____
We all have our “thing.” That certain something that just does it for us -- it’s our ideal. And when our partner has that thing, the halo effect comes raging in at full force. It’s hard to see past their one redeemable quality and at the other crumbling pieces of your relationship. For instance, a woman who seeks to be pampered might look past adversities such as infidelity, dishonesty or degradation because he takes her on exotic trips and buys her expensive gifts.
Because she already sold herself on the idea that her ideal man would be able to provide for her wants and needs. Others might act similarly about things such as appearance, career, hobbies, etc.
But the fact of the matter is that relationships have to be a culmination of compatibilities in several different categories. No one is able to sustain a relationship on one basis alone. If you’re only with someone for one reason, it isn’t reason enough.
Many of us are in a mad dash for love and I know -- some of us are definitely crossing the finish line sooner than others. But it’s important to remember that love isn't a competitive sport. It’s an experience. You deserve the best possible experience, so stop accepting less than your epic love story.
