5 Signs You Have 'The Hero Complex'

There’s one of us in every friend group…"The Mom,” “The Responsible One,” or my favorite, "The Hero Complex.” We are the friends that can be called at anytime of the night for a reassuring phone call or text message. The friend that’s response to “How are you doing?” is “I’m fine,” then immediately asks how the other person is doing and prying until they tell us their life story and what’s really going on. Does this sound like you? Well let’s dig a little deeper with these 5 signs that you are the friend with the hero complex.

1. Your friend’s call you “Mom” or “Dad,” especially when giving advice.

Let’s be honest. You care, a lot. When you think your friend is making a bad decision, you tell the truth…and when they don’t listen you are there to help pick up the pieces when everything falls apart.

2. You're a night owl.

A lot of your time is taken up by all of the problems you feel the need to fix, which means at night is when you normally get things done. Plus, you know whatever time of the night it is, when someone calls and needs you, you’re going to pick up, so it kind of works.

3. When there's a party, you're rarely "partying!"

It’s okay, admit it! When there’s a party, you’re either cleaning, cooking, making sure people are having a good time or all three. Your friends are constantly telling you to have fun, and people might find this strange, but…you are having fun! You love hosting and making sure everyone is safe and having a good time!

4. You have the dangerous habit of wanting to be perfect.

Though having the “Hero Complex” has a lot of advantages, there are also disadvantages. You have this weird idea that if you’re as “perfect” as possible, then you can be a better friend, sibling, child, significant other, etc. You over think everything you say and hope that you don’t blow it with the people you love, but here’s the great news: the people that really love you, love you for all of the quirky, weird, “imperfect” parts of you.

5. You don't take care of yourself as much as you take care of others.

Being worried about everyone else’s happiness eventually takes its toll on you, if you let it. You can fall behind on work, responsibilities, or end up staying still in life because, while you were busy helping everyone else with their lives, you forgot to live yours! You end up in friendships where people take advantage of your kindness and need to help, and they aren’t there when you need someone in return.

Okay, that got a little heavy, but here’s the amazing news! If these five signs sound like you, let me tell you that you are selfless, and there aren’t that many people like that left in the world. These days everyone is trying to get ahead of the next person, knocking others down to make themselves feel adequate, or forgetting that helping others is an important part of being human. You are strong. You kind of have to be… taking on everyone’s problems sometimes means there is rarely someone there willing to help you with yours, so you have learned overtime to take care of yourself. Independence is our thing, but the good news is there are people that come into your life (I call them my guardian angels) that aren’t related to you but love you like family. They roll their eyes when you say “I’m fine” because they know you’re lying and care enough to wait until you explain what’s going on. They yell at you when you forget to eat and are always there to listen to you babble about your insecurities, even when they know you’re being ridiculous. I have been blessed with a group of these people after dealing with people that just took and never gave. So if you have the “Hero Complex,” let me give you some wisdom:

1. Its okay to not be perfect and “crushing” in every aspect of life because that promotes growth.

2. Enjoy your life because you only get one!

3. Even the best superheroes need help sometimes, so don’t constantly feel like you have to do it alone. (Hello Batman and Robin anyone?)