Any and all of my friends would straight up tell you that my type is the typical “bad boy.” He MUST have a either a full blown pony tail or a buzz cut. He’s got to be six feet tall—I’m only five feet so I guess you could say I like my men tall. My dream guy also has big muscles and listens to music that I hate—but I’ll eventually start liking because I like him so much. He probably has some baggage and a broken history. He’s the guy I want to fix—the bad boy that’ll only be good for me. He usually drives a fancy car or high lifted truck and he definitely must have a drinking problem or there’s no way it’ll work out, because I need something to constantly worry about, right? Oh and let’s not forget that he has to have girls drooling over him at all times, or else what’s the point? I’m such a prize to have, he picked me over all the others, right? Wrong-- I was probably just another trophy in the collection of many.
Okay, so you’re reading this and either saying, “This chick is a hot mess, is she trying to get her heart broken?” Or you’re someone out there thinking “OMG same!” Or if you’re a guy, you might even think “Wow, does she know me?”
Well don't worry, I realized that my type was just that-- boys. Here’s how I changed my “type” and started dating a man. I noticed that all these guys broke my heart or that I just grew tired of the same old bullshit. So, I left them in the past and gave someone a chance who wasn’t my type at all and it changed the whole dating game for me.
I started dating a guy who did the little things that no one else had done for me.
He opened doors for me. He rang the doorbell at my house instead of texting me “here” from the driveway. He brought me flowers just to make me blush because he knew that I thought that kind of stuff was cliché. He told me corny jokes just to see me smile. He would have offered me the shirt off his back if I was cold and it was never an option who was going to pay the bill—he always insisted he was lucky enough to have me in his presence. And it wasn’t even about the money, it was just about him wanting to be the perfect gentleman for me. He checked in with me and didn't leave me constantly wondering. Even if he was busy, he always let me know he was thinking of me and kept me updated on his plans-- trying to work something out so we could see each other.
He showed his affection for me other than just in private.
In public, he always grabbed my hand, he wanted people to know that we were together—it was never something he wanted to keep a secret. Throughout the day, he would tell me how beautiful he thinks I am and kiss me on the cheek or forehead, not a care in the world about who saw. Instead of introducing me as “Hey, this is Giana,” he introduced me to his friends as “Hey, this is my girl, Giana.” That extra “my girl” made me feel special and appreciated, I wasn’t just a friend or just another girl he brings around, he wanted everyone to know that I was someone special, I was “his girl.” He posted pictures of me to his SnapChat story and his Facebook profile often—he didn’t care who knew we were together, in fact, he wanted them to know.
He actually cares.
One of the first things he said to me was that he wanted to meet my family and see where I came from. I was shocked because most of the “bad boys” I dated would never say that! They would do anything they could to get out of meeting my dad—I mean, he is a pretty intimidating guy but he’s still an important part of my life. Along with family, he wanted to meet my friends and he surprised me when he actually took the time to get to know them. He would ask them questions about their life and our friendship and where they came from. And my girlfriends were instant fans—like really, a guy that actually wants to get to know your friends and earn their trust and approval? It’s almost unheard of these days.
He asks about my day, how class was, how work was, how I slept the night before, etc. He asks because he cares, he wants to know how my life is going. He was excited when I told him about the goals I set out for myself. He offered advice, he offered me a shoulder to cry on, and he offered me support when I really needed it — he was always there.
He remained faithful… even when things got tough.
This one seems like a no-brainer, right? Personally, I think loyalty and fidelity are hard things to come by these days. It always seems like someone is getting cheated on or someone is being sneaky behind their significant other’s back. We’re so likely to forgive someone for being unfaithful because it’s becoming a normality for dating culture these days. Well, this guy was the complete opposite.
He never kept a lock on his phone, not that he ever needed one but it was reassuring knowing that he didn’t have anything to “lock away.” He didn’t talk to girls that he wasn’t already friends with, there were never random girls commenting heart eyes on his pictures or popping up in his SnapStory. He reassured me that I was the only girl and I always believed him. He gave me no reason to think otherwise. When he wasn’t around, I never felt that he was anywhere he knew I wouldn’t have wanted him to be. He kept it real and he kept it loyal. He showed me that cheating is unacceptable and it’s crazy that I ever stayed with someone who hurt me like that.
He wanted more than just sex.
He wanted to get to know my mind-- not what color panties I was wearing that day. We would talk for hours and not even touch sexually once. He wanted to get to know me; my childhood, my nerdy days in high school, my goals, my family-- he wanted to genuinely get to know me. He didn't take me on a few dates and realize that he had me "hooked" and stopped doing the little things. He treated every date like it was our first. He was respectful and always made sure I felt comfortable. He never pressured me, he was fine with waiting, always being patient and kind with me. I'm sure he wanted a physical relationship but he also cared about our mental and spiritual relationship. He cared more about what I had for breakfast than 'what was I wearing" when I went to bed.
He’s not perfect but he’s perfect for me.
He never left me feeling insecure or unsure of where we stand. He was always open and honest with me, communicating how he felt. Sure, maybe he’s not a “bad boy” that has a roster of girls lined up anxious to be his next side piece. Maybe he tells corny jokes and tries way too hard to get my mom and noni to like him—but hey, at least he tries. He puts in effort, he makes plans and sticks to them, he surprises me and wants to make me smile and for me, that’s perfect. I strongly recommend giving that guy in your Calculus class a chance, go out with the boy next door who has always admired you, grab a coffee with that cute waiter who nervously dropped you his phone number—step out of your “type” and give someone new a shot at winning you over, it could be worth it.
He makes me feel confident, he makes me feel wanted, he makes me feel appreciated, he treats me like I've always wanted to be treated,
I ditched the motorcycle and leather vests for someone who actually gave a damn about me and my happiness and it was the best decision I’ve ever made.
