There have been numerous times throughout this election when I have thought to myself, “Okay, okay- bring out the cameras. This is not real life.” I know that I cannot be alone on this. For the sake of my own sanity, I have convinced myself that this is true. This is not actually an election. This is about to be the biggest reality TV hit since Jersey Shore. Granted, I do not know a thing a politics. However, I do know a thing or two about reality television.
These are the 5 reasons why this election is actually reality TV.
1. Donald Trump is orange and his hair is fake.
Every reality TV show needs a star. Donald Trump is America’s political Snooki. No offense, Snooki. You look like you really have your life together nowadays. Trump looks like a cast mate of Jersey Shore’s grandfather…that is too cheap to get a decent tan or hair plugs. He shouts atrocities that have the cast mates cringing over Sunday dinner.
2. Bernie Sanders sells hot dogs at the Jersey Shore.
I once had a dream that Bernie Sanders was selling me hot dogs at the beach. “Hot dogs! Getcha hot dogs! We gots all ya need! Lil Ketchup here! Lil mustard there! Ayyyyyy, you look like a lady that could use some relish!” For that reason, he could not possibly be running for president. A former hot dog salesman could not be the next president. America is just not that progressive, yet.
Also, he yells a lot. I don’t like being yelled at. I can hear him saying, “CABS ARE HERE” or “GYM, TAN, LAUNDRY”. Through those examples of character, it is evident that he should be on reality TV as the curious cast mate that sells hot dogs. This is a must in every reality show.
3. Hillary Clinton is that girl that says she hates drama, but she is always a part of drama.
Sure, Hillary looks like some badass in those sunglasses. But, why are her sunglasses so big? Are they hiding all of her secrets? Benghazi? , E-mailgate? “Landing under sniper fire” in Bosnia? Sure, I don’t understand the details of those things… BUT IT SOUNDS SUSPICIOUS TO ME. I see Hillary as being that housemate that everyone loves at first, but then they realize that she is the reason that everyone hates everyone.
4. Ted Cruz makes everyone uncomfortable.
Remember that kid from Hey Arnold! that was always breathing really heavy and making other characters uncomfortable? That’s actually Ted Cruz. He is that cast mate that the house eventually decides needs to move out. Then he gets pissed off and goes insane, think of Angelina when Mike calls her “a dirty lil hamster.”
5. This kid exists.
If this were a presidential election, there is no way that they would allow this kid to be in the spotlight at a campaign rally. So far, he is the man that I am most likely to vote for. His spunk and humor really will pull together this season’s Election 2k16 reality TV show. He is the cast mate that all can love, and he is the reason I have hope in world peace becoming a reality.
