With every change of season comes the obligatory rise of sick college-student zombies. The flu sweeps every campus, bouncing between kisses and shared drinks and shared living spaces, until none but the shuffling, groaning and diseased are left. If you are one so afflicted, take comfort: many others are just as miserable as you are. Here are 5 of the biggest bummers about being one of the victims of the flu.
1. Am I dying?
This is the flu like you’ve never felt it before. You have to take a minute to wonder if this really is just the flu, or if this is the big one. There is no way that you can feel this sickly without it being some sort of plague. You find yourself searching “plague symptoms” WebMD.
2. The gosh-darn sniffles.
For the love of all that is holy, blow your gosh-darn nose. If you are sitting in a quiet classroom/library/meeting/anywhere and sniffling to your heart’s content, I can tell you right now: everyone around you basically hates you. If you have to keep sniffing, please please please blow your little red nose.
3. I’m so hungry but all food ever invented is disgusting.
When you’re riding that vague-nausea wave, no food sounds appetizing. Your stomach rumbles, then you consider vomiting, then oh look you’re hungry again. There is no way off this rollercoaster, so buckle down and sip some bland broth.
4. Cuddle cravings versus the fear of an epidemic.
The number one symptom of the flu—that I have found, anyway—is the overwhelming urge to cuddle. If you are single, this is all well and good because you can cuddle a pet or stuffed animal. If you have an S.O., then all you want in this blessed snotty world is to curl up with them and binge watch (insert any show on Netflix here). Unfortunately, you then run the risk of contaminating them with your ick. Not only is this awful for them, but you will need to take care of them for the next however long, and run the risk of catching a mutated version of your own flu. No, thank you.
5. The battle of hydration and urination.
“You’re sick? Get lots of rest and drink lots of fluids!” The best advice in the world and the most frequently given. Everyone knows that sickies need to chug water, tea and OJ, but how are we supposed to get lots of rest when we have to get up to pee every ten minutes? That water bottle you’ve been cradling like a baby will soon become the enemy. But hell, doctor’s orders. *continues chugging water while crossing legs more tightly*
If you are one of the many unfortunates who, like me, has been inflicted with the flu this season, hopefully you can take some comfort in knowing that there are others who feel as you do. If not, then cuddle up, get lots of rest and drink lots of fluids, you big grump.
