I never thought I would be the girl to write something like this, it's just so not like me. I was never really someone who struggled with mental health. Yes, I do have diagnosed anxiety and depression, but I have always been someone who could "hold it together." I was always "strong" and other's shoulder to cry on. Needless to say, when the tables were turned I was scared, confused and so many others relating adjectives.
I contemplated taking my life... hatred, manipulated, degraded are all feelings going through my mind... there may not be physical scars but this hurts so much more, because unlike physical scars and bruises, THESE bruises, well... these bruises won't ever go away. They are embedded forever.
Hurt, hurt is all I can say...
If you go, someone is going to miss you... Your mom will cry wondering what she could have done to help. Your best friend will be left with permanent scars and your little brother and sister will never be the same again because their big sister left way too soon...
I made myself stop and think, stop and think of anything I could that would give me a reason to stay.
1. To be a success story...
I will prevail... I will come out on top, if I was to go too soon I wouldn't have a story to tell. I'm going to get the degrees, I, going to open up my own business and I WILL make a difference.
2. ANOTHER College degree
Not just one, but two... and who knows maybe there might just be a third.
3. Your dream career
You know... the career you have been planning and praying for since you were 13. You are almost there... you can literally taste it! Don't stop now. You've got this!
4. Someday finding your Prince charming
Trust me girly, it's going to happen. Everyone deserves their happily ever after, yours is coming.
5. Your baby brother is growing up, trust me. You don't want to miss that.
His high school graduation is coming up, then he'll be in college. He's supposed to party with his big sister in college, you're supposed to be there when he walks across that stage too...
6. Your best friends... you ladies haven't finished all of the adventures you are supposed to go on yet...
You guys are in your prime right now... this is your time to all go out party, have fun, make stupid mistakes... these are the memories that are going to be the best stories for weddings, telling your future kids... you can't miss out on this. Hold on because they need you just as bad as you need them. you may think they are just friends but in all actuality, they think of you as their sister and they love you with all of their beings.
7. Your pup's
It's true, they may be in your life for just a small amount of time, but to them you are their whole life. They need you...
8. Your future children
You've waited for this day since you were a little girl... the day you would wake up and someday have a little mini you calling you mommy... I haven't experienced it yet... but I'm told that that feeling is indescribable.
This lady is a saint. She's been there with you through it all and has given her all to try and help you through it. You are her baby, she would do anything to keep you safe. Shes trying she really is... don't go, because that would literally crush her.
10. Maybe, just maybe your little sister actually looks up to you and truly does love you.
You two fight all the time... shes said some hurtful things but you can't lie because you have too. I just hope you know that deep down she loves you with all her heart. she looks up to you in so many ways and when push comes to shove she will be the first one their to help you.
I promise you before you do something that can't be undone take five minutes, just five minutes and think of your reasons to stay. Once you do I promise you, you will feel a strength you have never felt before.
So, please... Stay. The world is a better place because you are in it.