Where oh where would I be without my dear friends? One of the most cherished joys in life is friendship, and I firmly believe I have been blessed in my life with better friends than I could ever deserve. They have carried me through more than I could handle on my own, caused more gut laughter than I can remember, and inspired me to be the person I am created to be. We can all point out a few people whose friendships far surpass the others. Why is that? Do we have more in common with them? Are they just more enjoyable to be around? Or is there something more to it?

There are three different forms a friendship can take: useful friendship, pleasant friendship, and virtuous friendship. A useful friendship forms when one or both of the friends benefits from the relationship, whether that be advice, assurance, or something as superficial as popularity. A pleasant friendship forms when the two simply enjoy one another's company, maybe in convenience of working together or frequent interaction. Neither of these are inherently bad, and everyone has friends that fall into these categories. However, there is something higher to aspire to: virtuous friendship. This is the final, most noble form. It has useful and pleasant aspects to it, but it is so much more fulfilling and intimate, something we all want in our lives. But how do you know if your dearest friendships are truly virtuous?

1. You are both striving for what is highest and good

Friendships can only be as strong as their foundation. If, at your core, you have completely different goals for your eternal life, how deep can your friendship become? True friendship is desiring the greatest good for the other, but if you don't agree on what the "greatest good" is, you can't even begin to lead one another there. That is not to say friends can't disagree with one another. It's healthy and unavoidable. But the most personal values and truths? These are critical for a virtuous friendship. For myself and my best friends, ultimately this means desiring heaven for the other. With a foundation so strong, we can make it through anything.

2. You keep one another accountable

This is probably the single most difficult aspect to being a true, virtuous friend. And it's completely impossible if you aren't striving for the same good. In our society, where the idea of letting everyone live their life as they please, with no right or wrong, is so embedded in our minds, keeping someone accountable seems kind of foreign. And few things are as uncomfortable as lovingly correcting a friend for the first time. But if we truly do love them and desire their ultimate good, we can't sit by and watch them live a life of less. And sure, sometimes it will cause them to initially be angry or hurt, but in the grand scheme of things, their eternal state is worth a brief period of conflict.

3. You accept them for who they are

Everyone has their weird quirks about them they makes them so wonderfully unique. And we all need people who embrace the things about us that we are most self conscious about. With a world so focused on appearances and perfection, it's easy to put up a front in fear of not being accepted. Virtuous friends make you feel comfortable enough to let your true self show and empowered and loved while doing so. The deepest, truest friendships bring out the person you strive to be, despite never knowing you had it in you.

4. You pray for AND with one another

The most unique characteristic that sets my virtuous friendships apart from others in my life is this one, simple act: prayer. Praying for the people in your life is so important, turning over their hearts to God and accepting His will. But with our most intimate relationships, it's not enough. To invite Christ to be at the center and know each other on a spiritual level, we must also pray with one another. I can still remember the first time two of my closest friends and I prayed over one another on a retreat. It was the most beautiful, vulnerable moment, and our relationships were forever changed by it. Anytime we allow God to work in our friendships (or anything else), He transforms them into more than we could dream.

5. You love each other unconditionally

Any friendship is fruitless without an understanding and sacrificial love. This means keeping them accountable, yes, but also loving them through anything life may throw at them. No one is perfect, and we depend on those closest to us to listen, to comfort, to cry, to love. Sometimes being selfish will seem so tempting, letting them face their problems alone, but Christ gave His live for His friends, and we are called to do the same with a grateful heart.

So what does this mean for our friendships? Our world is starving for intimacy, full of people yearning to be loved in this way. I can point out when my friendships experienced that turning point, whether it be the first time we prayed together, the first time they corrected me in love, or a vulnerable heart to heart, and I am so grateful for those moments. Be a virtuous friend to those close to you. Take a friendship to the next level, the highest level. Challenge them, pray with them, love them.