You’ve probably struggled to get to class at some point in your college career. You’ve done it all: you’ve shambled, you’ve dragged your feet, you may have even thought of starting a rickshaw service to spare you the pain of walking to another building besides your dorm or apartment. God forbid you get some exercise. But fear not, stagnant college students! You don’t actually have to use any brain power with these proven methods of human-powered transportation. Just be warned: you may get yelled at.
1. Biking
Ah yes, the ergonomic choice of riding a bicycle. They’re efficient, they’re fast, and they’re respectable looking, though it may take some time getting used to riding one. Well maybe that’s not completely true-- you don’t look overtly ridiculous riding a bike in sweats or jeans and a blazer. You know what is ridiculous though? Nearly careening into passersby in a clearly crowded area where class has just let out, all the while screaming “Sorry! Coming through!” followed by nervous laughter. But hey, truth be told, you could do a lot worse.
2. Skateboarding
Okay, yes skateboarders get a bad rap. If you’re not in the know, skateboarders are generally considered to be, but not limited to: “hooligans”, “rapscallions” and “rabble-rousers”. Sincerely, I feel for anyone who willingly chooses to ride a skateboard. It takes skill, practice and a lot of coordination that I’m sure a lot of us just don’t have. But you know what doesn’t take a lot of skill? Not popping that cool trick when there are a lot of people around, or for that matter, maybe saying sorry when your board inevitably goes flying out from underneath you. Or on a related note, just having some common sense.
3. Scootering
I feel as if I had to include this one on principle. No matter the college campus, there is always that one shining star among the dull ones that believes that he or she has deciphered one of the mysteries of life. This person has conquered death itself by outrunning it. In other words, these kids brought their Razor Scooters from when they were 6-years-old to school and suddenly everything is much easier.
“You can fold it up and take it with you into class! Isn’t that brilliant?!”
You poor monster. You just don’t get it, do you? You look ridiculous and you can’t scoot over grass. Plus, you’re just too big for it.
4. Rollerblading/Skating
So it was the late ‘90s and you saw something radical on TV. They were revolutionary. They were like roller-skates, except really cool looking. "Inline skates" they called them. "No, rollerblades!", they said. Edgy, flashy and out of this world.
Flash forward to 2015: they’re loud, they’re heavy, and if you fall over, God help you. Rollerblades: the real innovation comes with the application. Just walk, you goons.
5. Heelys™
Picture this: a room full of investors and a scheming PR team ready to sell their hearts out. “We’ve come up with a way to make people waste their money and look terrible doing it.” Boom. Millions of shoes with skatewheels in them are sold.
Now, picture this: a college kid gets a running start, anticipation palpable from every oxygen-starved pore on his face. A look of determination in his eyes rivals the power of the burning sun. He’s going to do it: he’s going to make his name known to the world. There he goes, gliding along the pavement with the grace of an ice-skater.
...And there he stops, just a short distance away from where he began his ascent to greatness. Ah, well.
So there you have it, 5 great ways to get around campus. People, you can do whatever you want and you certainly don’t have to listen to me. In fact, it’s probably better for your health and sanity if you don’t.
