As many have come to experience, a meal shared with the whole family can get a little rowdy. Personalities clash and before you know it, forks are being pointed and people are getting offended over things that don’t even matter. Little things like who sat where and which aunt stayed to help clean the dishes become the topic of harshness and tension. But this thanksgiving, there are topics that are sure fire to cause awkward tension and some that have the potential for awesome stories and moments to be shared. To help learn the difference, here are 5 topics to leave at home this Thanksgiving, and 5 you should remember to bring along for the ride.

5 Conversations to AVOID: (if brought up, time to pull out thedesserts..)

1. Who did you vote for?

Nope. The politics will be shut down at Thanksgiving dinner. (Unless, of course, to say how thankful we are to have a country we’re able to even be a part of the voting process for.)

2. You didn’t vote?

The only thing that could possibly be worse than talking about voting is revealing that I had not even cast a vote at all. (*cue the bathroom break*)

3. Are you dating anyone?

*decides in head if it’s serious enough to bring up*

OR

4. How long have you two been dating?

Should I even mention the conversations that could arise from bringing your significant other to the war zone of the Thanksgiving table? This is my first year and I am right there in the trenches with you ladies. Be prepared to talk about your plans for the next ten years of your romantic life over sweet potatoes.

5) How’s college going?

Initial thoughts:

*I haven’t slept in 3 days*

*I’m out of motivation*

*I fill up my Nalgene with my tears sometimes*

*I took 2 weeks worth of laundry home over break*

Response:

Great! Thanks for asking!

These can sometimes turn out okay, but most likely will create an awkward vibe for everyone. If they want to tell you...they will.

Instead, 5 Questions you SHOULD ask:

1. What is one thing you learned this year you didn’t expect to be thankful for?

These can turn out to be really heartfelt answers. Even if this relative may drive you crazy, you may have no idea of what they’ve been going through this year or how it has encouraged them...maybe even leaving you encouraged yourself.

2. Who is one person that probably doesn’t know how thankful you are for them?

This gets you thinking about all the everyday people in our lives that don’t hear it enough. Where would we be without the friends who may not see all the time, but go out of the way to make your day better? Whether it’s your mom doing your laundry when we’re way in over our heads or the barista that makes your coffee every day, it could mean the world to them to know it doesn’t go unnoticed.

3. Why has someone expressed thankfulness to you this year? How did it make you feel?

This is guaranteed to bring a smile to their face. Everyone loves the feeling of being valued and appreciated. There is nothing more special than sharing a moment with someone where they truly appreciated who you are. Sharing this moment with someone else can bring back a fond memory, and encourage them to make more when they go out of their way for the sake of others.

4. What are some of the best memories we’ve shared together?

As a family, even the most dysfunctional ones, this forces everyone to reflect on the good times. The funny moments that will bring joy into your heart to relive again. The situations that were so ridiculous you can only laugh about them now. This will bring everyone together by reflecting on the moments they are truly thankful to have shared as a family, no matter the differences. And leave everyone excited to make new ones.

5. What is the best quality of everyone here?

By verbally acknowledging the strengths of each individual person, it is such a beautiful reminder of how loved each of you truly are.

This thanksgiving, change the game with spreading love and positivity to each other. Take a day off from the mess that is taking over the headlines and reflect on the good thing you have been given as a family. Those are the conversations you will want to be at the table for.

“ And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”