I absolutely love SLU. I love the atmosphere, the people, the professors, and the city. But there are some very important questions I have for Saint Louis University that DEMAND ANSWERS. From who? No one knows. I just need answers.

1. Are there more than like 3 working washing machines in Gries?

2. Why is the WiFi such garbage?

3. How much of tuition will be covered if I'm hit by a car on Grand? (Asking for a friend)

4. Can I please go in the exorcism room?

5. Who approved the new Billiken?

6. THE OLD ONE WAS FINE. WHY?

7. Who is the playground outside of Adorjan for?

8. Why are we no longer calling the history department the Rebel Alliance?

9. Why is the best dining hall food in Reinert?

10. Can we get better Lunchables at the Fusz POD market?

11. Can I start a petition to have the pep band play more songs?

12. Do you realize how unfair it is that our campus is so photogenic?

13. Why do we not honor the true hero, Sparky the Raccoon, like we should?

14. On a scale of 1-10, how haunted is Fusz?

15. Why is midnight breakfast is not more frequent?

16. Why is the salad at the salad bar so sad?

17. Can we PLEASE try to acquire Starpolte?

18. Or at least ask Chipotle to take flex or swipes?

19. Does anyone actually notice that they change the flowers every two weeks?

20. Why is BA core so extra?

21. How is Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives on TV every single time I go to Simon Rec?

22. Also, why is there an actual, literal icon in our rec center?

23. Is it just me or is like half of the school in Micah?

24. Can we have maps for Morrissey?

25. Also for the CGC?

26. How many condoms are found in elevators and/or West Pine per week?

27. WHY DO PEOPLE DRIVE THEIR CARS ON WEST PINE??

28. Am I the only one who is legitimately terrified of the Shady Shell?

29. Can acceptance letters come with business cards for when people ask what a Billiken is?

30. Why do the small study rooms on Pius 4 so nasty?

31. Is it acceptable to pour hot soup on the loud people on Pius 4 & 5?

32. Are we ever gonna actually have an earthquake drill?

33. Why is the official name not just Bill Grill at this point?

34. Can we get discounts at Hot Box? (but actually though)

35. Who shit in the 3W shower? I NEED ANSWERS.

36. Why do people take the elevator from the dining hall floor of Gries to the lobby floor?

37. Who was behind the Han Slulo account?

38. Why are department sweatshirts not a thing?

39. If I come up with new puns containing "SLU," can I get an automatic GPA boost?

40. Why is there no shuttle to Eckert's?

41. What is the best way to avoid the people giving out pamphlets outside of the BSC?

42. Exactly how not okay is it to go swimming in the fountains?

43. How much of my tuition is covered if I get hit by a golf cart?

44. Does anyone actually go to MOCRA?and finally...

45. WHY DID IT TAKE THIS LONG FOR MORE HAMMOCKS??