The 42 Most Cringeworthy Dad Jokes
Lifestyle

The 42 Most Cringeworthy Dad Jokes

Our favorite middle aged men have been busy at work creating these classic jabs.

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Nothing will make you laugh harder, and cringe faster, than a good old fashioned dad joke. From terrifyingly creative puns to wordplay so unique not even Shakespeare could compare, our favorite men in jean shorts and sandals always find a way to give a giggle. I've rounded up the best of the best. See if your old man can rival these.

1. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

It had great food, but no atmosphere.

2. How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.

3. What time did the man go to the dentist?

Tooth hurt-y.

4. Why do chicken coops only have two doors?

Because if they had four, they'd be chicken sedans!

5. What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta!

6. Why did the coffee have to file a police report?

Because it got mugged!

7. Why did the Clydesdale give the miniature pony a glass of water?

Because he was a little horse!

8. How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it!

9. What's Beethoven's favorite fruit?

A ba-na-na-na!

10. How does a penguin build its house?

Igloos it together!

11. Why did the scarecrow win the prestigious award?

Because he was out standing in his field.

12. What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?

Irrelephant!

13. What's Forrest Gump's password?

1forrest1!

14. Don't buy anything with velcro on it.

It's always a total rip-off.

15. Where can you buy chicken broth in bulk?

The stock market.

16. What did the ocean say to the shore?

Nothing, it just waved.

17. What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.

18. I would avoid that sushi place if I were you.

It looked fishy.

19. What do you call a fat psychic?

A four-chin teller.

20. Why do crabs never give to charity?

Because they're shellfish!

21. What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fshhh.

22. Why was the octopus able to beat a shark in a fight?

The octopus came well armed.

23. A red ship and a blue ship collided in the ocean.

Apparently the survivors are marooned.

24. Last night my girlfriend and I watched three movies back-to-back.

Luckily I was the one who was facing the T.V.

25. What cheese can never be yours?

Nacho cheese!

26. I'm reading a book about the history of glue.

I can't put it down!

27. What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

28. I was considering going on an all almond diet.

But that was just nuts!

29. A furniture store keeps calling me.

All I wanted was one night stand!

30. Did I tell you about the time I fell in love during a backflip?

I was heels over head!

31. I don't play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I'm just doing it for the kicks.

32. Why don't seagulls fly over the bay?

Because then they'd be bay-gulls!

33. Where does Batman go to the bathroom?

The batroom!

34. What do you call a sheep with no legs?

A cloud!

35. Why don't skeletons go trick-or-treating?

Because they have no body to go with.

36. Have you ever heard of the band Cellophane?

They mostly wrap.

37. What did the 0 say to the 8?

Nice belt!

38. Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?

To compliment the traffic jam.

39. What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at college?

Bison.

40. Atheism?

Yeah, it's a non-prophet organization.

41. There's a new type of broom out.

I've heard it's sweeping the nation!

42. I used to have a job cleaning up leaves.

I was raking it in!

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