The 42 Most Cringeworthy Dad Jokes

The 42 Most Cringeworthy Dad Jokes

Our favorite middle aged men have been busy at work creating these classic jabs.
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Nothing will make you laugh harder, and cringe faster, than a good old fashioned dad joke. From terrifyingly creative puns to wordplay so unique not even Shakespeare could compare, our favorite men in jean shorts and sandals always find a way to give a giggle. I've rounded up the best of the best. See if your old man can rival these.

1. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

It had great food, but no atmosphere.

2. How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.

3. What time did the man go to the dentist?

Tooth hurt-y.

4. Why do chicken coops only have two doors?

Because if they had four, they'd be chicken sedans!

5. What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta!

6. Why did the coffee have to file a police report?

Because it got mugged!

7. Why did the Clydesdale give the miniature pony a glass of water?

Because he was a little horse!

8. How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it!

9. What's Beethoven's favorite fruit?

A ba-na-na-na!

10. How does a penguin build its house?

Igloos it together!

11. Why did the scarecrow win the prestigious award?

Because he was out standing in his field.

12. What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?

Irrelephant!

13. What's Forrest Gump's password?

1forrest1!

14. Don't buy anything with velcro on it.

It's always a total rip-off.

15. Where can you buy chicken broth in bulk?

The stock market.

16. What did the ocean say to the shore?

Nothing, it just waved.

17. What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.

18. I would avoid that sushi place if I were you.

It looked fishy.

19. What do you call a fat psychic?

A four-chin teller.

20. Why do crabs never give to charity?

Because they're shellfish!

21. What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fshhh.

22. Why was the octopus able to beat a shark in a fight?

The octopus came well armed.

23. A red ship and a blue ship collided in the ocean.

Apparently the survivors are marooned.

24. Last night my girlfriend and I watched three movies back-to-back.

Luckily I was the one who was facing the T.V.

25. What cheese can never be yours?

Nacho cheese!

26. I'm reading a book about the history of glue.

I can't put it down!

27. What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

28. I was considering going on an all almond diet.

But that was just nuts!

29. A furniture store keeps calling me.

All I wanted was one night stand!

30. Did I tell you about the time I fell in love during a backflip?

I was heels over head!

31. I don't play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I'm just doing it for the kicks.

32. Why don't seagulls fly over the bay?

Because then they'd be bay-gulls!

33. Where does Batman go to the bathroom?

The batroom!

34. What do you call a sheep with no legs?

A cloud!

35. Why don't skeletons go trick-or-treating?

Because they have no body to go with.

36. Have you ever heard of the band Cellophane?

They mostly wrap.

37. What did the 0 say to the 8?

Nice belt!

38. Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?

To compliment the traffic jam.

39. What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at college?

Bison.

40. Atheism?

Yeah, it's a non-prophet organization.

41. There's a new type of broom out.

I've heard it's sweeping the nation!

42. I used to have a job cleaning up leaves.

I was raking it in!

Cover Image Credit: PlayBuzz

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8 Reasons Why My Dad Is the Most Important Man In My Life

Forever my number one guy.
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Growing up, there's been one consistent man I can always count on, my father. In any aspect of my life, my dad has always been there, showing me unconditional love and respect every day. No matter what, I know that my dad will always be the most important man in my life for many reasons.

1. He has always been there.

Literally. From the day I was born until today, I have never not been able to count on my dad to be there for me, uplift me and be the best dad he can be.

2. He learned to adapt and suffer through girly trends to make me happy.

I'm sure when my dad was younger and pictured his future, he didn't think about the Barbie pretend pageants, dressing up as a princess, perfecting my pigtails and enduring other countless girly events. My dad never turned me down when I wanted to play a game, no matter what and was always willing to help me pick out cute outfits and do my hair before preschool.

3. He sends the cutest texts.

Random text messages since I have gotten my own cell phone have always come my way from my dad. Those randoms "I love you so much" and "I am so proud of you" never fail to make me smile, and I can always count on my dad for an adorable text message when I'm feeling down.

4. He taught me how to be brave.

When I needed to learn how to swim, he threw me in the pool. When I needed to learn how to ride a bike, he went alongside me and made sure I didn't fall too badly. When I needed to learn how to drive, he was there next to me, making sure I didn't crash.

5. He encourages me to best the best I can be.

My dad sees the best in me, no matter how much I fail. He's always there to support me and turn my failures into successes. He can sit on the phone with me for hours, talking future career stuff and listening to me lay out my future plans and goals. He wants the absolute best for me, and no is never an option, he is always willing to do whatever it takes to get me where I need to be.

6. He gets sentimental way too often, but it's cute.

Whether you're sitting down at the kitchen table, reminiscing about your childhood, or that one song comes on that your dad insists you will dance to together on your wedding day, your dad's emotions often come out in the cutest possible way, forever reminding you how loved you are.


7. He supports you, emotionally and financially.

Need to vent about a guy in your life that isn't treating you well? My dad is there. Need some extra cash to help fund spring break? He's there for that, too.

8. He shows me how I should be treated.

Yes, my dad treats me like a princess, and I don't expect every guy I meet to wait on me hand and foot, but I do expect respect, and that's exactly what my dad showed I deserve. From the way he loves, admires, and respects me, he shows me that there are guys out there who will one day come along and treat me like that. My dad always advises me to not put up with less than I deserve and assures me that the right guy will come along one day.

For these reasons and more, my dad will forever be my No. 1 man. I love you!

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Sweet Potatoes Are The Most Underrated Vegetable Of All Time

Everything you need to know about the pieces of edible gold we call "sweet potatoes" and why they will always perish over any plain old potato.

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The potato. The heart of the American food industry. A versatile vegetable crop soaked in grease that brings us some of our favorite appetizers and sides. From french fries, to curly fries, to tater tots, to baked potatoes, to hash browns, this hallowed vegetable has become the Johnny Depp of the vegetable family. Now, we are all aware that the configurations of potatoes are limitless, but we commonly disregard the potato's delicious and neglected brother: the sweet potato. I, a credible food connoisseur and highly experienced eater, am here to tell you why you are missing out on a world of flavor if you choose to dismiss the beloved sweet potato and its many entities.

Let me first start this tirade by proving to you my credibility...I, too, once believed that regular french fries were better than sweet potato fries. I scoffed at the idea of choosing those ridiculous orange sticks over my tried-and-true plain boys. I could not be convinced that any sweetness should impede on my savory snacks.

These were dark times.

It was not until a mere month ago that my mind was changed forever.

It was a sunny (scary) Sunday morning, and my pounding head led me on a mission to indulge myself in the finest breakfast foods. I entered my favorite breakfast diner, Angelo's, and waited anxiously for my waiter to stroll over. She filled our water cups and asked if we wanted to start with any appetizers. Before my stingy self could even decline the offer, my best friend ordered a round of sweet potato fries for the table and the waiter scurried away. I stared blankly at her for a solid minute. I could not wrap my head around the concept of munching on sweet potato fries at 8 in the morning. She just stared back and said, "Trust me." Suddenly, a tray of blood orange sticks and a mysterious tan sauce appeared in front of my face. As much as I wanted to ponder the morality of this decision, the hunger began to take over, and I shoved one of the fries into my mouth.

In an instant, it was as if time and space had lost all meaning. When my teeth hit the fry, the perfectly crusted outer shell crunched softly making a sound much like your foot crushing a dried leaf. The now exposed inside of the fry was the perfect blend of mush and warmth that felt like your mouth was receiving a hug. The flavor...unbelievable. It didn't take me long to realize that this wasn't a fry — this was a culinary experience. This fry single-handedly blew the roof off of any predisposed ideas I had about American cuisine.

I am well aware that my fry experience cannot be simulated again by any average food-goer, but I challenge you, the reader of this article, to get out there and enjoy a sweet potato in any form. Stray from your basic fries or tater tots and dabble in a sweet treat which will undoubtedly bring you flavorful satisfaction.

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