Recommended for you

Start writing a post

Lifestyle

The 42 Most Cringeworthy Dad Jokes

Our favorite middle aged men have been busy at work creating these classic jabs.

MacKenzie Mick

Apr 18, 2017

Denison University

63886

PlayBuzz

Nothing will make you laugh harder, and cringe faster, than a good old fashioned dad joke. From terrifyingly creative puns to wordplay so unique not even Shakespeare could compare, our favorite men in jean shorts and sandals always find a way to give a giggle. I've rounded up the best of the best. See if your old man can rival these.

1. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

It had great food, but no atmosphere.

2. How many apples grow on a tree?

All of them.

3. What time did the man go to the dentist?

Tooth hurt-y.

4. Why do chicken coops only have two doors?

Because if they had four, they'd be chicken sedans!

5. What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta!

6. Why did the coffee have to file a police report?

Because it got mugged!

7. Why did the Clydesdale give the miniature pony a glass of water?

Because he was a little horse!

8. How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it!

9. What's Beethoven's favorite fruit?

A ba-na-na-na!

10. How does a penguin build its house?

Igloos it together!

11. Why did the scarecrow win the prestigious award?

Because he was out standing in his field.

12. What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?

Irrelephant!

13. What's Forrest Gump's password?

1forrest1!

14. Don't buy anything with velcro on it.

It's always a total rip-off.

15. Where can you buy chicken broth in bulk?

The stock market.

16. What did the ocean say to the shore?

Nothing, it just waved.

17. What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.

18. I would avoid that sushi place if I were you.

It looked fishy.

19. What do you call a fat psychic?

A four-chin teller.

20. Why do crabs never give to charity?

Because they're shellfish!

21. What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fshhh.

22. Why was the octopus able to beat a shark in a fight?

The octopus came well armed.

23. A red ship and a blue ship collided in the ocean.

Apparently the survivors are marooned.

24. Last night my girlfriend and I watched three movies back-to-back.

Luckily I was the one who was facing the T.V.

25. What cheese can never be yours?

Nacho cheese!

26. I'm reading a book about the history of glue.

I can't put it down!

27. What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

28. I was considering going on an all almond diet.

But that was just nuts!

29. A furniture store keeps calling me.

All I wanted was one night stand!

30. Did I tell you about the time I fell in love during a backflip?

I was heels over head!

31. I don't play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I'm just doing it for the kicks.

32. Why don't seagulls fly over the bay?

Because then they'd be bay-gulls!

33. Where does Batman go to the bathroom?

The batroom!

34. What do you call a sheep with no legs?

A cloud!

35. Why don't skeletons go trick-or-treating?

Because they have no body to go with.

36. Have you ever heard of the band Cellophane?

They mostly wrap.

37. What did the 0 say to the 8?

Nice belt!

38. Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?

To compliment the traffic jam.

39. What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at college?

Bison.

40. Atheism?

Yeah, it's a non-prophet organization.

41. There's a new type of broom out.

I've heard it's sweeping the nation!

42. I used to have a job cleaning up leaves.

I was raking it in!

Report this Content

This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Smith College

89489

college students waiting in a long line in the hallway

StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less

waitlisted

Swoon

Navigating the Talking Stage: 21 Essential Questions to Ask for Connection

It's mandatory to have these conversations.

National Writers Society

151948

a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less

single life

Lifestyle

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

Marist College

61279

loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets

StableDiffusion

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less

Recommended for you

The 42 Most Cringeworthy Dad Jokes

Our favorite middle aged men have been busy at work creating these classic jabs.

1. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

2. How many apples grow on a tree?

3. What time did the man go to the dentist?

4. Why do chicken coops only have two doors?

5. What do you call a fake noodle?

6. Why did the coffee have to file a police report?

7. Why did the Clydesdale give the miniature pony a glass of water?

8. How do you make holy water?

9. What's Beethoven's favorite fruit?

10. How does a penguin build its house?

11. Why did the scarecrow win the prestigious award?

12. What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?

13. What's Forrest Gump's password?

14. Don't buy anything with velcro on it.

15. Where can you buy chicken broth in bulk?

16. What did the ocean say to the shore?

17. What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

18. I would avoid that sushi place if I were you.

19. What do you call a fat psychic?

20. Why do crabs never give to charity?

21. What do you call a fish with no eyes?

22. Why was the octopus able to beat a shark in a fight?

23. A red ship and a blue ship collided in the ocean.

24. Last night my girlfriend and I watched three movies back-to-back.

25. What cheese can never be yours?

26. I'm reading a book about the history of glue.

27. What do you call a cow with no legs?

28. I was considering going on an all almond diet.

29. A furniture store keeps calling me.

30. Did I tell you about the time I fell in love during a backflip?

31. I don't play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

32. Why don't seagulls fly over the bay?

33. Where does Batman go to the bathroom?

34. What do you call a sheep with no legs?

35. Why don't skeletons go trick-or-treating?

36. Have you ever heard of the band Cellophane?

37. What did the 0 say to the 8?

38. Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?

39. What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at college?

40. Atheism?

41. There's a new type of broom out.

42. I used to have a job cleaning up leaves.

Subscribe to our Newsletter

There have been many lessons learned.

1. The importance of traditions.

2. How to be thankful for family and friends.

3. How to give back.

4. What the word "community" really means.

5. That it isn't about the destination, but the journey.

6. The consequences of making bad choices.

7. To trust people, until you have a reason not to.

8. To be welcoming and accepting of everyone.

9. How to be my own, individual person.

10. How to work for what I want.

11. How to be great at giving directions.

12. How to be humble.

13. To be well-rounded.

14. How to be great at conflict resolution.

15. The beauty of getting outside and exploring.

16. To be prepared for anything.

17. That you don't always have to do it alone.

18. How to be creative.

19. To brush off gossip.

I have never been so thankful to know you.

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Don't freak out

Email the professor

Attend the first class

Keep attending class

Have a backup plan

Remember that everything works out at the end

It's mandatory to have these conversations.

1. What do you do for a living?

2. What's your favorite color?

3. Do you have any siblings?

4. What's your favorite television show?

5. When is your birthday?

Subscribe to our
Newsletter