Dear fraternity boys,

You think you know us. You think you’ve got us all figured out. You think that giving us a monogrammed fraternity shirt and a Lilly tumbler filled with wine to go with our pizza that we will eat will binge watching Gossip Girl will satisfy us? Probably, but guess again…

1. Yes, we do really love our philanthropy.
2. Yes, we do have to make a shirt for every event. If you don’t, did you even really go?
3. No, you will not get that shirt back. It’s comfortable and I look better in it.
4. No, you cannot know my ritual.
5. No, you cannot know my initiation secrets. Or my closed motto. Just stop asking.
6. Does this shirt come in an XL? I know I’m a size small but I’m all about comfort.
7. Yeah, recruitment sucks, but we love bid day and all the new little babes.
8. Some of us don’t like Lilly Pulitzer…but have you seen the planners?
9. We don’t want to hear how you guys are “like, definitely the top frat” at parties.
10. Unless you want to hear “Oh yeah, and we’re like, totally top tier too!”
11. We don’t care about how you have “the dope-est pledges around”
12. We take you philanthropy events very seriously. And we will raise more money than the other sororities.
13. Did someone say “Instagram challenge?”
14. Did someone say “rush shirts are available?”
15. Did someone say “let’s raise awareness for ___?”
16. Oh, you only have Natty Lite? Fiiinnnnnneeee. We’ll drink it, but we won’t like it.
17. Would it kill you to provide wine at parties?
18. Did someone say “slap the bag?”
19. Yes, we can out drink you.
20. Is this shirt Comfort Colors?
21. Painting coolers is an activity created by Satan himself. So ask me in advance to formal or you’ll get a Styrofoam cooler with your name in sharpie and a case of lukewarm Bud Lite. Try me.
22. My big is my other half.
23. My little is my other, other half. You do the math.
24. If you act like a a$!& to one of my sisters….well, I recommend you not find out
25. Our 21^st birthdays are awesome and you know it. Now go and buy me a drink
26. Quoting Mean Girls will never get old.
27. We have a love/hate relationship with Sunday chapters.
28. Just because a part of our ritual is online, doesn’t mean you get to tell me every “secret” you think you know.
29. Sure, the dad bod is great and all, but so are guys that are in shape. Your choice.
30. Please, don’t embarrass us at our own formals.
31. If I invite you to my formal, fee free to invite me to yours.
32. If you text me to come hang out and to “bring bitches” for your friends, I’m going to make sure no one shows up.
33. No, we don’t haze our new members.
34. Never underestimate the power of a well-planned tailgate.
35. Some of us actually like sports.
36. Some of us actually like beer.
37. We can out out-eat you in half a second, but we have self-control (and half a pizza in the fridge back home).
38. We take pride in the fact that our chapter has the top GPA.
39. Any excuse to throw what you know is a good excuse. Sunset? Check. Concerts? Check. Nature? Check.
40. I get to talk about my sisters, not you. So have some respect and shut your mouth.
41. Sisterhood is a powerful and magical thing. Until you experience it, don’t try and understand it.

Sincerely,

Every sorority girl in existence.