Four decades of friendship?! WTF?!
I have to admit that little did I know when I was a kid playing tag on the playground or choosing teams for dodgeball (I hate to brag, but I was a tomboy and pretty kick-ass, so I was usually one of the first girls picked) that I would meet three ladies who would remain constants in my life, even today. Sometimes I wonder how I have tolerated these girls for so long, or how they have tolerated me. But together, over four decades, we have created an unbreakable bond. Here is my rationale for why I am fortunate enough to have these pretty kick-ass girls in my life—the things that have helped me grow and maintain my friendships over the years:
1. Write notes. Yes, in elementary school, we were the queens of note writing. Today, we may send emails and abbreviated texts, but then, we wrote notes that had our own secret codes inside. Our codes might have contained small square boxes with a "yes" or "no" above them, but they were our own codes damn it! And we felt comfort knowing we all spoke the same language.
2. Practice folding said notes with your girlfriends. Only true friends can fold notes so tight that their parents would never be able to open them. It would take a chisel to do so, and our parents were not willing to put the time into this. We knew our secrets were always safe with each other.
3. Ride bicycles together. Yes, I said a bicycle. I didn’t say take a spinning class with your friend. While exercise classes may be the popular thing to do, several of our memories were made on long bike rides. Besides, if we were lucky, we would see a cute boy on the next street and hide behind the tree while watching him ride his green machine!
4. Have sleepovers. The key to a successful sleepover is to make sure you don’t sleep. We developed our friendship long before the age of technology, so staying up all night and talking about anything and everything was essential. If anyone did fall asleep, we made sure to freeze her bra for added fun. A friend with a good sense of humor will always forgive you for that.
5. Scary movies with girlfriends are a necessity. Who else is going to explain to you that Freddy Krueger doesn’t actually exist?! And who else will pick up the phone in the middle of the night when you've awoken from a A Nightmare on Elm Street-induced nightmare?
6. Fight with them. Get pissed off at them. Talk about them. This will make your friendship even better when you do apologize. Everyone knows a sincere apology leads to a real heart-to-heart talk.
7. Be their shoulder to cry on. You knew your best friend's high school boyfriend was a real douchebag who was seeing other girls. Your girlfriend knew both of these things too, but she still loved him. Let her cry on your shoulder when he breaks her heart, every single time. She would do (and did) the same for you.
8. Go to her wedding. Cry happy tears for her. Become friends with her husband. Treat him as you would want your husband treated by your friends. Respecting your friendship includes respecting those who are nearest and dearest to your friend.
9. Rejoice at the births of her babies. Let her know that you are a mom, too, and be honest and supportive. Tell her that you also have no clue what you are doing. On the outside, you may seem to have it together, but you really aren’t sure how this whole parenting thing works either. Let your closest friends know you didn’t read enough books while pregnant, but thank God that Google exists (it really is the parenting aid of the 21st century). Still, no amount of parenting books or Google searches can replace a nonjudgmental best friend who is going through the same things you are.
10. When she loses a parent, go to the funeral. Grieve with her. Odds are her parent helped raise you too. You can't take away her pain, but you can help her heal from her loss just by being there, helping with her kids and errands, and listening to her when she needs to talk.
11. When she and her husband divorce, be there for her. Hold her tight, and tell her she will survive. Talk smack with her about the asshole. Since we’re in the 21st century, it's very possible you'll both stalk his ass (and his new girlfriend) on Facebook, Twitter and Snapchat. You'll know everything they do, but you'll pretend neither of you really give a shit. And when she's ready to love again, be her biggest supporter. Everyone knows online dating can be soul-crushing, and she might need to vent about it.
12. Make friends with her next husband. He will be in the picture for the long haul. Although he may never know your true hair color, he’s going to love you for sticking by his wife for so many years. He’ll understand why he’s put to the back burner when you are in town. He and your husband will eventually become friends. The guys being able to hang together will be an added bonus for your friendship.
13. Celebrate the children of your girlfriends. Be proud of how well their kids turned out. Tell your girlfriends you are proud of their kids. Share parenting tips. Laugh at parenting stories. Bitch about your own kids to these girls. They will remind you of your teen years, and then you will think your own kids are angels.
14. Connect with your girlfriends. Use social media. Visit them. Take time to get together with them and their husbands. Laugh. Cry. Cuss. Ask questions about their lives. Tell them you love them. Let them know you can’t imagine the next 40 years without them.
15. After you see these girls, send texts telling them how you can’t wait to see them again. Be sure to include a few inappropriate pictures from your night out. These bitches have plenty of old dirt on you. You need to make sure you are the one with the new dirt!
Once you've gone through thick and thin with your best friend, you know they aren't going away.
