Anyone who's ever lost someone that they cherish deeply is familiar with the phrase, "It'll get better," or "it's going to be okay." After the loss of my mother during this past October, this particular statement infuriated me; however, I don't blame others for saying this to me; they were just attempting to comfort me. Although it is appreciated, this mundane saying can cause a grieving person to feel obligated to feel better than they are at the current moment. Additionally, it can cause the grieving person to worry about someday caring less about the situation at hand. Instead, when you are speaking to a person who has just recently lost an important person in their life, you should remind them that it's completely practical to feel the worst that they have ever felt in their entire life. Here is a list of reasons why it is okay to not be okay after the loss of a loved one.
1. Heartbreaks Take Time To Heal
A broken heart takes a considerable amount of time in order to heal. Sometimes, a broken heart may never heal. Thus, after the loss of a loved one, a person should never feel as if they should be rushing in order to feel better, but rather reminded that it is okay for their heart to feel empty.
2. There Are Major Changes In Your Life
You will never see a person that you love dearly for the rest of your entire life; that can seriously take a toll on a grieving person. Talking about things such as "a new normal" do not comfort us, but instead fill a grieving person with anxiety.
3. You Will Have Trouble Planning Into The Future
Looking into the future without your loved one will be immensely difficult. This should be taken into consideration when you're about to tell someone that it will "get better." Imagining a long future without your dear one is generally not therapeutic.
4. Your Life Will Never Be The Same
This major change will affect you always. There is no arguing with that. Life will always seem bittersweet with the absence of your loss.
In final thought, it is much better to allow a grieving person to actually grieve. Do not rush them into feeling better; especially when they are not ready. It will take them a mass amount of time in order to heal, and often times it's easier just to hear, "it's going to be rough." Emotions are a difficult thing to cope with, with that being said, it's a lot easier to just face the situation honestly, and realize that what you are feeling is entirely normal and that you should cope with it in any way that you see fit.
