38 Thoughts You Have While Grocery Shopping

38 Thoughts You Have While Grocery Shopping

"Produce is so complicated."
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Unless you're brave enough to go grocery shopping in the middle of the night or at the break of dawn like some people you know, you dread going more than almost anything else. It is stressful, overwhelming, and leaves you feeling exhausted and annoyed. For me, walking into the grocery store- falling into line with all the people shuffling in- makes me feel somewhat like a cow being herded into a slaughterhouse. (Yeah, that's a bit of an exaggeration, but I hate it, okay?) You find yourself getting aggravated at every little thing, taking deep breaths, and wondering why you did this to yourself.

1. "Wow, none of these idiots know how to park."

You say to yourself after circling two or three times only to still have to park half a mile away.

2. "People are purposely walking slowly in front of me. I'm sure of it."

You know this sounds weird and paranoid but what other reason would people have for moving in such slow motion?!

3. "Okay, I have a list, so I should be out of here in no time, right?"

4. "Why are there so many different kinds of apples?"

5. "Produce is so complicated."

It looks so inviting to pick up, but it's a trap.

6. "What even is a rutabaga?"

7. "Why is healthy food so expensive?"

I could pay $6 for these bananas, but for $6 I could also get like 3 bags of chips, soo...

8. "Yes, thank you, stop and have a conversation in the middle of the aisle."

Then when I say the obligatory, "Excuse me, sorry," you can respond with "That's okay."

9. "I actually need nothing in the frozen section, but I see ice cream."

Blue Bell just came back into my life. You can't expect me to just ignore it.

10. "I need to get some Lean Cuisines... Oh look, pizza rolls."

11. "Shouldn't all the canned goods be in one place instead of spread out over four different aisles?"

Seriously, I shouldn't have to walk to a different side of the store to get a can of tomato sauce.

12. "The bread aisle always smells weird."

Why do I even buy bread? I'm never able to eat it all before it goes bad.

13. "Is it socially acceptable for me to buy Spaghetti O's? What about pudding cups?"

14. "Actually I'm never having children because they cry."

I know you can't just shut your kid up that easily but I don't want to hear them screaming because you won't buy them Gogurt.

15. "I forgot to check and see if I have milk."

I know I have milk, but is it still good? Do I even need milk to begin with?

16. "I can't believe I can be trusted to navigate this place on my own."

Adulting can be so hard sometimes. I don't belong here.

17. "Oreos aren't actually on my list, but only I know that."

18. "They have 300 different kinds of cereal but not the one I'm looking for. Oh, okay."

19. "Just kidding, there it is. I just passed it up twice."

Oopsies.

20. "Oh crap, I forgot butter and it's on the other side of the store."

Is it worth it to go back? Nah.

21. "Ew, I see someone I know."

I didn't brush my hair today and I'm not really feeling a friendly conversation. *walks in the other direction*

22. "I was going to go down this aisle but there are too many people so I can just do without."

23. "MOVE!"

24. "Hahaha only one check out lane is open."

Smiling through the pain.

25. "*%&#&@"

I'd elaborate but I have family reading this.

26. "Why is this happening?"

At this point, you don't even know what that question is directed at.

27. "Yes, cashier, I did buy pudding cups. Stop judging me. "

I just came here to get groceries and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now.

28. "Soooo close."

29. "OMG I just spent enough money to feed a small family in Africa."

30. "Aaaaand I've been in here for over an hour."

I'm actually surprised it's still daylight outside.

31. "Still, I feel so accomplished."

I won't have to come back to this place for a while now.

32. Walking out: "Crap, I forgot ketchup."

Again, my list has failed me. Or I've failed myself, I'm not sure which.

33. Loading your car: "I also forgot printer ink."

Why did I even make a list?

34. Driving home: "And light bulbs."

Stupid list.

35. Pulling into your driveway: "Oh, I needed eggs too."

*tears up list*

36: Putting groceries away: "I'm too tired, so I'll just put the refrigerated ones away and take a break, then do the others later."

After a quick nap, maybe.

37. "I'm never going back to the grocery store."

You couldn't pay me to go back there.

38. "Oh, I have to go back tomorrow."

You realize you forgot something you actually have to have, and all you can do is sigh.

Cover Image Credit: www.postconsumers.com

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What 'The Drink You Bring To Class' Says About Your Personality

I think we're ALL #thirsty.
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Sometimes it's a well thought out protein shake made in a blender bottle, a smoothie from a Nutribullet or a venti cappucino with 3 extra shots and a pump of caramel from Starbucks.

No matter what it is, we all have a preferred drink we bring to class.

1. Aloe water drink

You probably follow #fitspo trends on Instagram, but you're not sure if the drink is actually healthy or not. Sure, aloe on the outside of your body is good for it, so what happens when you drink it?

2. Very Large™ iced coffee

You tell your friends, "caffeine doesn't affect me!" but two hours later you're in class with tunnel vision wondering if the new boots you bought will go with your denim skirt.

3. Naked juice

I mean, it's made of sugar basically but you probably think it's the healthiest thing you can get at the convenience store on the way to class. Who needs Starbucks when you can juice your way to a 2,000 calorie diet?

4. Jamba Juice smoothie

It's a step up from a Naked juice but not any better. You probably also follow #fitspo accounts on Instagram and think that drinking a sugar smoothie will get you #swole. It won't.

5. Boba tea

Maybe you're an international student or maybe you're just an American who loves Asian culture, calls everything "kawaii" and can't live without pho. Or maybe you just picked one up on the way to class because a student group was selling them. That's cool too.

6. Unidentified colored liquid in a water bottle

Who knows. You're a complete mystery. It could be Emergen-c, it could be alcohol, it could be a flavored iced tea packet. We can't figure you out.

7. Soda

Your teeth are probably rotting or you don't care what people think of you.

8. Coffee from the pretentious shop on campus

Ugh, we get it. You pay for your coffee without using points. You're so bougie it hurts.

9. Water in a Nalgene bottle covered in stickers

Probably think you're so hip and cool, but no one cares. A sticker that says "Mind the Gap"? Soooo original, Sarah.

10. Gallon of water

Either you're a frat boy who lost a bet, or you just feel a great need to be hydrated. This doesn't make sense. Carry a water bottle like a normal human.

Cover Image Credit: Pixabay

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How Watermelon—A Fruit—Became Oklahoma's State Vegetable

THIS SHOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED.

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When someone tried to tell me that watermelon was the state vegetable, I giggled. Considering myself as someone who always takes the objective approach, I decided to the research. Google verified that watermelon was the state vegetable AS OF 2007.

I cannot even use time and ignorance as an excuse for this. When Oklahoma had mistletoe as the state flower in the 1800s, it was because mistletoe was not known to be a parasite that decimated precious tree populations. Once politicians found research proving that mistletoe was indeed a parasite, Oklahoma legislature decided to choose a new state flower that properly represented growth instead of poison within the environment. This is not necessarily the case with the state vegetable.

According to Don Barrington, the senator that sponsored A bill proposing for watermelon to be the state VEGETABLE said that the "controversy" had been solved. Apparently, the categorization of watermelon as either a fruit or a vegetable WAS AN IMPORTANT CONTROVERSY FOR THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES OF OKLAHOMA.

Sorry if you are reading and it feels like I am yelling by putting important phrases in all caps, but everyone needs to be alerted to the fact at HOW PREPOSTEROUS THIS IS. IF I CANNOT GET OVER IT, YOU CANNOT GET OVER IT, EITHER.

Turning back to the main point, we have had many important controversies that the Oklahoma legislature has had to handle with seriousness and wisdom. One includes fracking, and another includes our teachers not being paid enough to teach across the state of Oklahoma. Road construction has been another important issue amongst others. Therefore, there really was not a reason for AN ENTIRE BILL TO BE WRITTEN FOR WATERMELON TO BE CONSIDERED LEGALLY AS A VEGETABLE IN ORDER TO BE THE STATE VEGETABLE.

According to Senator Barrington, he claimed that watermelon was a member of the cucumber family, so it could, therefore, be a vegetable. However, he was met with dissent from a fellow senator who literally pulled out a dictionary and read it, proving that watermelon is considered to be a fruit everywhere else. Senator Barrington also boasted of how watermelon as a state vegetable would boost his "watermelon-growing Rush Springs constituency" since he apparently won a local contest for spitting watermelon seeds the farthest in 1994

Not only is it a problem when politicians ignore definitions IN THE DICTIONARY, but also the problem is cucumbers ARE ALSO NOT VEGETABLES. Senator Barrington claimed that watermelon had to be a vegetable because it is a part of the cucumber family. The issue with this is that scientists have classified cucumbers ALSO AS FRUITS, specifically fleshy fruits that are called Pepos. Therefore, Senator Barrington desired for watermelon to be considered as a vegetable under false claims that it could be a vegetable.

In 2015, Senator Nathan Dahm wrote a bill, Bill 329, to revoke watermelon's designation as the Oklahoma state vegetable. However, watermelon is still the state vegetable because we have many watermelon festivals and some politicians can win competitions for spitting watermelon seeds.

NONE OF THIS SHOULD HAVE HAPPENED.

THIS IS A PROBLEM BECAUSE IT HAPPENED, AND WATERMELON BECOMING A LEGAL VEGETABLE SHOULD NOT BE A PRIORITY FOR POLITICIANS.

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