Every August, my father's side of the family (most of them, at least) gets together for a day of food, fun, and food. And yes, I intended to say food twice; there's so much food, it's kind of ridiculous. It's a really fun day and I look forward to it every year.

Every year there seems to be a similar pattern for the day, at least for me. And it always includes confusion about which of my uncles I'm hugging, which child is crying, and when I can get my next snack. Here's a list of 33 thoughts that always run through my mind.

1. Whose wife is that?

2. Which uncle is that?

3. Did I say hi to grandma?

4. When is an appropriate time to get seconds?

5. Where are the adult-sized water bottles?

6. Did I get enough food?

7. Did I get too much food?

8. Where should I sit?

9. Oh, crap, what's that cousin's name?

10. Wait, she's how old?

11. Please don't ask me about school.

12. Please don't ask me about my lack of a love life.

13. Why are there so many kids?

14. Wait, which uncle is that again?

15. Oh, crap, what's his wife's name?

16. When can I leave this table?

17. Oh, he just sat down and I was about to get up, and now it looks like I'm avoiding him but I really need to pee but I really really can't get up now.

18. Yes, cornhole!

19. No, soccer!

20. Is that Frisbee coming at my head?

21. When can I get thirds?

22. Wait, where are the desserts?

23. Why is that child screaming?

24. Whose child is that?

25. Which can of Pepsi is mine?

26. Is my hair messed up?

27. Did I say goodbye to grandma?

28. Am I getting a sunburn?

29. I can't believe how many people are waiting for the bathroom.

30. When are we leaving?

31. Geez, there's a lot of bugs out here.

32. Is there any more food?

33. Where's my mom?