We cashiers hear a lot of stupid things at work. We also see a LOT of stupid things. The customer is always right is complete bullshit. I've worked both retail and grocery, so I have encountered a fair share of idiots. And some of the things I hear are:

1. "Are you open?" No. I'm standing here in my uniform as a fashion statement, in front of a register with my register light on. I am not open.
2. "Just open your register and give me change for 20." You are paying with a card. You didn't press the button for cash back. I am not a bank. I am not allowed to open my register for you to give you change.
3. "I want credit/cash back/ I am paying with EBT." Good for you? Do it yourself? I don't hit anything?
4. "Why isn't my card working I have money in it. There's something wrong with your register." Man, I don't know.
5. "That's not the price. I know what I read." It's not like I scan the same item 193729 times and I know the price by now, but sure, you're right.
6. "The coupon's expired but you can just override it." Uhmmm no.
7. "Can you double bag that?" It's literally one item.
8. *Doesn't bag anything and the belt is full of stuff to the point I have to stop scanning to bag* *Stares at me bagging* "Oh, I wanted paper in plastic. Double the paper too." Honestly, never come back.
9. "This is 1.99, this is 5.99, this is 2.49--" I GET IT. I CAN SEE THE PRICE WHEN I SCAN IT.
10. "I only came here for milk... and I didn't even get it!" GOOD FOR YOU.
11. "Guess it's free" *when it doesn't scan" GUESS YOU ARE A FELON.
12. "I have a penny!" after I already closed the register. The penny will be stuck up your ass.
13. People who try to sneak to the express line with a cart full of shit. You're not fooling anyone, buddy.
14. *Guy hands me check* "Exact amount?" "Yes." Processes check. "Where's my 40 dollars?" ?????? Dude.
15. My light is off, my closed sign is up and I'm cleaning my register to leave. Customer proceeds to come and put things down. "I didn't bring my reward card can I use yours.
16. "Women can't do math." Ah, yes that's why I've been taking math honors for the longest time. I am an idiot. Thank you.
17. "Here." Hands me rolls of pennies. "I can't accept this." "Sure you can it's money." "I'd have to count each one for the 10 dollar bill." "Then count it." GRRRRRR.
18. DON'T LICK YOUR FINGER THEN TOUCH THE MONEY.
19. DON'T PUT YOUR REWARD CARD IN YOUR MOUTH THEN GIVE IT TO ME.
    
20. "Did you put in a reward card for me to get the sale prices?"
    "No, you didn't give me one. And they're not on sale so it wouldn't have made a difference."
    
    "WELL NOW I HAVE TO WALK ALL THE WAY TO THE CUSTOMER SERVICE DESK TO GET MY DISCOUNTS IT WOULD HAVE MADE A DIFFERENCE, GOSH." Maybe you incompetent idiot should have given me one rather than stand there like a dumbass and stare at me the entire transaction.
21. "Do you work here?" No. The uniforms a fashion statement, again.
22. "Bet you knew I was coming so you cleared the line for me." I was hoping you wouldn't come, really.
23. "Wow that was quick." My motto is the faster I scan the faster you leave.
24. EXTREME COUPONERS.
25. Smelly customers who keep getting close to you. Back off. BACK OFF. I HAVE PERFUME IN MY POCKETS.
26. WHO STILL WRITES CHECKS? IT'S 2017 YOUR CHECK IS LINKED TO YOUR CHECKING ACCOUNT WHICH SURPRISE YOU CAN USE WITH A DEBIT CARD.
27. Get off your stupid phone and pay attention otherwise don't complain after.
28. Control your kids. Don't hit them in public either or scream at me or let them throw themselves on the ground and kick and scream.
29. Bag it yourself. I'm a cashier, not your freaking bagger.
30. When I look for for produce code, I don't need you telling me it's 99 cents a pound or that it's a pear. I know what the fuck it is. Shut up and let me look rather than being a condescending unhelpful twat.
31. "She almost started scanning my item!" Maybe you should have put up the bar that stops that from happening. HM. You know, that magical bar that separates your items from the other customer's? The border? Think of it as Trump's wall. This one is already made, you just have to set it down, and voila!
32. "Is it too late to return this?" As I just finish the transaction and hand them their receipt... Sigh.