In celebration of Father's Day coming up next week, I've compiled a list of some of my favorite dad jokes from various websites, friends, and my own pun-filled mind. Feel free to use these and spread painful joy to everyone you know in celebration of all the dads of the world.
WARNING: DAD JOKES ARE A SERIOUS MATTER. USE IN MODERATION.
1. "Hey I'm hungry." "Hi hungry, I'm dad."
2. You can call me whatever you want, just don't call me "late for dinner."
3. What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little horse.
4. "Dad, can you put my shoes on?" "I don't think they'll fit me."
5. Why can't you have a nose that's 12 inches long? Because it'd be a foot.
6. Why do bees hum? Because they don't know the words.
7. Can February March? No, but April May.
8. Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven eight nine.
9. Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
10. I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
11. I never trust stairs, they're always up to something.
12. "Dad, make me a sandwich." "Poof, you're a sandwich."
13. It may sound cheesy, but I feel grate today.
14. What did the windmill say to its caretaker? I'm your biggest fan.
15. "I'll call you later." "Don't call me later, call me dad."
16. Here's a huge shoutout to sidewalks for keeping me off the streets.
17. "Hey dad, why do you always sit on mom's left?" "Because mom is always right."
18. I just got a promotion at the casino, yeah it's a pretty big deal.
19. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
20. "I see," said the blind man, as he picked up his hammer and saw.
21. How many tickles does it take for an octopus to laugh? Ten tickles.
22. Milk is the fastest liquid on earth, it's pasteurized before you even see it.
23. The wedding was so beautiful that even the cake was in tiers.
24. When you have a bladder infection, urine big trouble.
25. I dreamed about drowning in an ocean made out of orange soda last night. It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea.
26. Why do crabs never give to charity? Because they're shellfish.
27. What did the buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
28. What's the best time to go to the dentist? 2:30 (Tooth-hurty! Ha, get it?)
29. "Where's the trash bin?" "I don't know, where have you been?"
30. What kind of nuts have a hole in the middle? Doughnuts.
These jokes just scratch the surface of the dad-joke chalkboard of life, so if none of these tickle your fancy, you can find more by going to the following websites (which is where I collected many of the jokes that created this list):
http://www.livin3.com/100-bad-dad-jokes-that-will-...
Have fun!
