It is not abnormal these days for families to deviate from traditional family structures. This is a byproduct of our modern society--we have exponentially more choice, access to information, the list goes on. Even with the normalization of non-traditional families, there is often a stigma associated with them. I lost my father shortly after my fifth birthday, leaving my mother a widow and a single mother. The assumption is generally that losing my father as a child left me with vital gaps in my upbringing. It is true that, because of this, I will be raised in a different manner but, I hesitate to call these gaps. I do not feel deprived nor incomplete. My mother utilized all her love in order to prevent these gaps from forming.
Today, I do not wish to negate my loss but, rather, celebrate the fortune of being raised by a strong woman. My mother is my confidant and my teammate. Perhaps my upbringing wasn’t traditional, but, I cherish the relationship it has allowed my mother and I to have. She is my absolute best friend and greatest inspiration. Therefore, I will share some of the valuable wisdom she has imparted on me.
Communication is imperative.
My mom taught me that if I don’t communicate my feelings, I cannot expect people to know what they are. She explained that often, people are unable to see the ways that their actions affect other people. Therefore, it is my own responsibility to communicate my feelings and boundaries to other people. It is only once I begin this dialogue, that i can realistically expect change.
Everybody (even moms) are people.
In the aftermath of my father’s death, my mom and I grieved together, cried together, yelled at each other, and yelled at no one. Neither of us could cope alone and, fortunately, we didn’t have to. But, because of this, I saw that even “grown ups” have struggles and emotions. Sometimes, it is easy to forget that other people experience these feelings too--especially when it's a parent figure. But it is liberating to see the humanity in these feelings and recognize that you are never alone in them.
Strength is not a gendered quality.
In modern culture, we are often geared to believe that valor is a predominantly male trait. I find this assumption laughable when I consider my mother. I have watched her lose her husband, teach herself finance, provide emotional support for communities of people, and, simultaneously, be a present and loving mother. Being raised by my mom taught me that everyone is capable of bravery and, more specifically, that my gender does not limit that.
The way I interact with the world has undoubtedly been shaped by my mother. These three lessons cannot even begin to encompass all that she has taught me and I continue to learn from her each day. I can say, with confidence, that I feel complete in the knowledge and upbringing she has given me. Being raised by a single mother has never left gaps in my life. Rather, my life has been enhanced by her.
