If there is one thing I've learned in the almost 20 years of my life, it is that relationships suck and when entering college, they suck even more.
As if that was even possible.
How do you label a relationship where you both are hooking up with each other, acting like a couple, but you're really not even a couple? Are they really yours to be exclusive to? Nothing is worse than having to explain to your roommate the status of the guy you've been with 24/7, because you literally have no idea what to call it. Especially when they drop you for someone who makes your self-esteem nonexistent. Especially when you realized you had feelings and it's too late to confess them.
We have all been there and boy, is it hard. Getting over someone you never really had is strange to explain to others, but trust me, we have all gone through, it whether expressed or not.
Here are the crucial three phases you must experience in order to get over someone you never had:
1. The Acceptance Phase
You need to realize that the feelings you thought were mutual clearly weren't mutual. The late-night conversations have come to an overall halt, and saying you'll get over it really fast is a complete lie. This, by far, is going to be the hardest phase of them all.
You're going to question every move you made and every word you said. Was it something I said here? If I did this instead, would he still be around?
You've grown accustomed to seeing their name pop on your phone every second of the day, and now it's as if they never existed. You need to realize that nothing you did caused him to leave you like he did, and sweetheart, you don't deserve someone to drop you the way he did.
It may take awhile, but he's going to look back and realize the amazing woman he's missing.
2. Separation Phase
Get rid of everything that is a trace of him, whether it be a sweatshirt, a t-shirt, especially all ways to get in contact with him. Delete everything. EVERYTHING. Get rid of his number, his social media accounts, and his roommate's number you would text to get to him.
Not being able to constantly stalk his every move will help you detach from him since you won't know about his whereabouts, which will help you get over him. Seeing a Thirsty Thursday snap of him at the bar with a bunch of girls won't make you feel any better about yourself. And neither will stalking his Facebook photos back to the 8th grade and crying over his dimples won't help you either.
Don't second guess yourself and do it right now. You don't need to accidentally blow up his phone because all the tequila in your system told you it's a good idea. It's not and you're going to regret it in the morning when you check your phone.
Don't drown out people who try to reach out to you, talking about your feelings is better than masking them behind bottles of alcohol. Alcohol won't solve anything. Remember, this isn't "Cinderella Story." You're not gonna make up and kiss in the rain, when in reality, it's going to be super awkward glances. Hell, you won't even want to make eye contact because it's going to fuel you up. Remember not to pick a fight with him when someone texts you that he's got another girl draped over him at a party either. Stay clear from his view. This will help you get over everything so much quicker.
3. The Move On Phase
Congrats! You've finally realized how much of a jerk he was to treat you the way he did and you've made it through the storm! Whether this took you one weekend with Ben & Jerry's or a whole month crying with your best friends, the dark times are over and it's going to get better from here. Blast some music that makes you feel good about yourself. (I recommend Beyoncé because all her music makes me feel like the badass woman I wish I was.)
You're going to laugh with your sisters when he shows up to anything that your sorority may hold and he makes a fool out of himself, especially when it's a philanthropy event including dosing his frat in paint. Hello, you're going to tell your sisters that he was the dude who screwed you over and they for sure are going to pay to embarrass him! Running into him will actually be the highlight of your day. H
olding your head up high and walking right by him with a positive attitude is something that's going to bother him. (Nobody likes to see someone they kicked to the crib happy). Buy yourself an outfit that makes you feel confident in your skin, get a makeover, and most importantly, be happy with who you are. Nothing feels better than being happy with how you look.
Getting over anyone, in general, is something that we all dwell on. It's not the most fun thing in the world. It's something that I myself would never wish on my worst enemy. As time goes forward, you're going to look back on the situation and realize how stupid it was to be so caught up on someone who could care less about your feelings and so much about their own personal satisfaction.
So remember these steps when it happens again because unfortunately, it can sometimes be a circular system in our lives. I hope that someday in the loop, you will come across someone who will allow you to hop out of the cycle and make you the happiest you've ever been.
