If you know me, you know I am a mega "Bachelor" fan. Not only do I love the mindless hours I get to experience watching men and women travel to extravagant places for romantic dates and the dramatic cliffhanger rose ceremonies, but I love "The Bachelor" because it is one of the greatest social experiments ever televised. When you lock a couple dozen women in a house together and challenge them to fight for one man's attention, you are sure to find yourself drama, tears and heartbreak. Oh, and hopefully love.
Jubilee is a veteran, her beauty is uncanny and she has a smile and a sense of humor that is infectious when she lets it show. A lesson many of us could stand to learn can be wrapped up in one quote she gave during The Women Tell All. She said, "I refuse to ever over-think something so much to the point where I'm self-destructive." Jubilee spent much of her 15 minutes in the spotlight talking about her past and how complicated it has made her.
I will agree that some people do have more depth than others emotionally, intellectually, whatever it might be. The thing about depth is it's kind of like having a super power. Either you can learn to control it and use it for good or you can let it control you and everything you do. Over-thinking situations is something many of us are all too familiar with, but no one should ever shy away from their depth. Never apologize for having layers and for knowing yourself well enough to see your own complications. Take that depth and dazzle someone with it, someone truly deserving.
The way Caila loves Ben is the way we need to learn to love people.
Caila is sweet, funny and constantly smiling. She can also be very passionate and vulnerable. Early on in the season, she admitted her greatest fear was not being able to open up and truly love someone; yet, her time on the Bachelor discounted that fear. She returned to The Women Tell All, clearly still hurting from finding out the love she felt was unreciprocated. What a terrible feeling — one that leaves us all too quick to become bitter and cold toward those who have hurt us. Whether your relationship lasted a few years or a few months, it is never easy to accept that you have feelings for someone who doesn't have feelings for you.
Now, the easy way out would be to bring all of his shortcomings to light, or at least throw in his face that he told two other women he loved them back. But Caila didn't express hard feelings toward Ben. She did quite the opposite. Instead, she spoke of how much love and comfort he brought to her life while he was in it. How he opened up her heart in ways she didn't know possible. She admitted that she still loved him, but that she wanted the best for him. Even saying, "The way he looks at them, I want someone to look at me that way one day. I want that. I want someone who can't control how much they love me."
This is how we should love people.
Olivia's biggest mistake from her time on "The Bachelor" was forgetting the simple rules of feminism. Yes, you are all here to date the same man. No, the general public has no idea what it would be like to go through such a taboo social experiment and no room to judge (but we judged anyways). I'm sure it would be easy to "remove yourself" from the situation with the women in hopes of a successful relationship.
Unfortunately, the way Olivia handled herself only ended up isolating the other women. Olivia frequently made comments like, "I like books and smart things" and "I just can't sit around and paint my nails. I'm not that kind of girl." Her fault? Not taking the time to get to know her peers and realize that many of them also like to "talk smart things" and "read books." Strong, intelligent women come in all forms and from all backgrounds. Our job as women is to empower one another, take the time to understand one another and support one another. How can we do that if we do not show one another simple respect?
Take it from someone who graduated from a women's college — you will not like every woman you meet. You will not agree with everything your fellow women say. You can handle the situations that make you uncomfortable with humility. Olivia's actions on "The Bachelor" do not mean she is a bad person or she deserves to be the target of bullying. Her actions simply mean she needs her fellow women to show her the same respect and understanding we expected her to give the other women.
So the next time you find yourself in one of these difficult situations, I challenge you to remember these women and learn from them. Whether you're getting over a difficult split with your ex, you're nervous about opening up in a new relationship or maybe something as simple as the new girl at work is rubbing you the wrong way. Challenge yourself to keep an open mind when getting to know that new coworker. Embrace who you truly are and accept that you are enough.
Until next season, "Bachelor" Nation.