This past week, I was home for spring break, and my younger sister and I went on a road trip down to North and South Carolina for her final college visits before she had to make her decision. Going on college tours once you’ve already lived through the three years of the glorified anxiety and binge drinking they advertise is strange, and your perspective is very different. h
I thought about how much I’ve changed and how much I’ve learned since August of 2013 when I first moved into my freshman dorm. I thought about how nonchalant the idea of college has become to me, but how my little sister feels like she’s found a backless wardrobe she thinks might be Narnia. Here’s the truth: college is Narnia for a few months when you’re going through the honeymoon phase.
Every quiz, every party, every bench on campus is magical. Eventually, however, you reach a stable routine and rhythm, and your life progresses into a more grounded semi-adulthood. If I’m being honest, that post-honeymoon stability, when the anxiety and nervousness of a new life wears off, is by far the more rewarding and valuable part of the whole experience. Your first year of college is going to be chaotic, and you’ll learn how to exist beyond the length of an umbilical cord. Luckily,
if you have an older sister, you have an advantage. You have insider knowledge on how to survive the chaos and get to a place of excitement and affinity. Here are some rules I’ve drafted for you to live by for your first year of college.
1. You haven't studied enough.
If you think you're ready for your exam tomorrow, you're wrong. You're not. You'll never be 100 percent ready. Keep studying.
2. Nowhere on campus is off-limits when it comes to naps.
Just make sure no one steals your computer while you're napping.
3. You’re either going to have no tests that week or four in two days.
Start studying two weeks early, and then when you’re done, sit back, relax, and get drunk.
4. Ride the curve.
The key to college is suffering together. Checking your grade to see you got a 26 percent on your Bio-transport exam isn't as horrible when you get an email from your professor saying the average was a 32 percent.
5. Sweatpants in public are acceptable for classes earlier than 10 a.m., if it’s really cold, or if it’s finals week.
You're going to look like death sometimes, but no one cares, and neither should you.
6. Figure out the bus system.
Figure out which buses go where, when the buses start and stop running, and if the schedule is reliable. See which classes you want to take the bus to and which classes you want to walk to.
7. Coffee.
Coffee. Green tea. Caffeine pills. Honestly, whatever keeps you awake 'til 6 a.m. in the library while you're trying to get your Statistics homework done by 11 a.m. is your friend.
8. Always bring an umbrella in your backpack, and always check the weather.
9. If a guy is aggressively hitting on you and being gross, don't give him the time of day.
Do this earth a favor by shrinking his ego down to a healthy size and weakening his hyper-masculinity.
10. When you go to parties, don’t tell boys you’re a freshman.
Sometimes boys get creepy when you tell them you're a freshman. Try to tell boys your a sophomore.
11. Make sure you’re sober enough for football games to actually watch the game.
12. No one cares if you eat alone in the dining hall.
I remember skipping meals the first week of classes because I was terrified I'd look like a loser if I ate alone in the dining hall. Here's a hint: no one cares. Eating alone in the dining hall is actually relaxing.
13. Keep tabs on your friends when you go out.
Friends don't let drunk friends wander off at parties. Make sure you and your gal pals have each other on the "Find My Friends" app and don't go home until you know where they are.
14. Go out wearing casual clothes.
First of all, wearing casual outfits when going out is way more comfortable. Secondly, if, God forbid, you sleep on a fraternity couch and have to walk home the next morning in your clothes from the night before, you'll thank me.
15. Drink a shit ton of water. Always.
16. Your professors genuinely care about you.
Fall semester of my freshman year, I had a cold and slept through a Calc exam. Fall semester of my junior year, the bus was running late and I had a leg brace, so I ended up 20 minutes late to a computer science exam. Both times, the professor was understanding and let me make up the exam. They know that these things happen and life doesn't go according to plan. Above anything else, they mainly want you to be successful. Don't be afraid to ask for help.
17. Try to get in the habit of doing laundry frequently.
I'm currently sitting on my bed, looking down at the floor of my room, that is completely covered with layers of dirty laundry I've been ignoring for a month. Save yourself the bikini-bottoms-as-underwear days and week long yoga pants benders, and just do your laundry.
18. Always count your drinks.
Binge drinking can be a dangerous game. Count your drinks so you don't accidentally drink more than you want to. Keep track by recording your drinks on a note in your phone, or mark the back of your hand with a pen for every drink you have. Fun bonus: it becomes a source of nostalgic shame for the next day when you're hungover.
19. About hangovers...
Good luck, bud.
20. Set at least five alarms for early classes.
I used to think I could get by without ever going to my morning classes until suddenly I was three units behind and couldn't remember what an integral was. You have to go to class, so set as many alarms as it takes until staying in bed becomes too obnoxious to be worth it.
21. Watch out for your fellow drunk girls.
22. You're going to be pulling lots of all-nighters.
Yeah, you're going to die. There's no avoiding it. See rule #7.
23. Indulge in your school's traditions.
Don't skip a single school-wide event. Participating in college traditions is the most exciting way to fall more in love with your school.
24. Make friends in all your classes.
25. Keep yourself safe, healthy, and focused; because that's your responsibility now.
