Potato chips, deliciously crunchy vehicles of salty fried goodness dusted in delicious flavoring, perfect for any occasion. And I mean every occasion- people have been trying to convince me that I should not have a potato chip bar at my wedding because it is too “low class,” but I say potato chips have been around since the 1800’s, so if it comes down to it chips are a sign of long lasting accomplishment. Not to mention they have never let me down during a Netflix and cry period session, but that is not what this article is about.
Each person I met can name, almost immediately, their favorite type of potato chip. For me, it is BBQ Pringles, for my sister, Cheddar Lays Ruffles. To each his (or her) own, because for the most part, any sweet or salty flavoring a chip can carry is going to deliciously crunch in your mouth. At least, that is what I thought, until a close friend posted online that they had just tried cupcake flavored potato chips. Cupcake flavored? What twisted mind came up with that? I adore cupcakes just as much as the next amateur baker and sweets connoisseur but in a chip? I was not in favor of that creation and the knowledge of that nasty combination sent me on a list to find 25 flavors of potato chips that should never have been created! Cupcake flavor, did not even make the list!
1. Lemon tea
When I think of a lemon tea I think of fuzzy slippers, a good book, and being comfortable and relaxed sipping my warm drink, not awkwardly trying to crunch a flavor that should be drank while spilling crumbs all over my copy of Jane Eyre!
2. Pigs in a blanket
This game day treat might not be so bad, but my favorite thing about pigs in a blanket is dipping them in many types of sauces and chips take the fun out of that!
3. Cinnamon sugar
Flavor wise, this combination of a cinnamon sugar covered chip might not be so bad, especially if the saltiness of the chip is replaces with the sweet sugar and then brushed in cinnamon, but some part of my palette cringes at this idea so it is a no go for me.
4. Carbonara
If you are not familiar with what a carbonara is, it is a pasta dish based on eggs, pepper, bacon, and cheese. Too many flavors for one poor potato chip to stand up with.
5. Mint
Ew, this is not even a thing that should be allowed to exist! Mint and salty, greasy potato chips? No, no, no, no thank you! Disgusting!
6. Caesar salad
I might actually be able to get on board with this one because the chips might turn out to just be like Caesar flavored croutons. But if they try to taste like lettuce and tomato too then no way!
7. Milk chocolate
There are many people out there who have thoroughly enjoyed the new mainstream sweet and salty trend but I am not one of them. I will indulge my chocolate cravings and my chip cravings, but not at the same time!
8. Wasabi ginger
A good wasabi acts as a fine addition to many foods, but in chip format what are we supposed to do with it? Crush it up onto a salad maybe? I have no idea!
9. Fish and chips
This one makes sense on some level because the pairing is already a classic one. Where these go wrong though has to be in combining the two because the best part of fish and chips is going back and forth between them, not just shoving it all into your mouth together!
10. Cappuccino
If I would not dip my potato chips into my coffee drink before I eat them then why on earth would I flavor them that way? This is not milk and cookies!
11. Chicken and waffles
Chicken and waffles is the favorite food of one of my friends from college, but I am sure even she would agree that putting them into a chip crosses the line! Leave this pairing to Roscoe’s!
12. White chocolate peppermint
The white chocolate here runs into the same issue as the milk chocolate before, but the peppermint just makes everything worse. Peppermint bark, cookies, and candy canes are alright, and they all have a certain type of hard candy texture to them. Chips in this case are a no go!
13. Honey soy chicken
When it comes to these chips, I can’t tell if they are going to be honey flavored soy chicken product or chicken that is flavored honey-soy. Either way, too much going on here, I will pass!
14. Blueberry
Blueberry? Blueberry what? Muffins? Waffles? Cobbler? Trying to take a fruit, a pure, picked off the plant fruit and squishing it down into chip format just seems so wrong.
15. English roast beef and Yorkshire pudding
English roast beef and Yorkshire pudding? Is each chip half and half or are some chips on and some the other flavor? Pizza flavored chips managed to take a meal and turn it into a chip but did it really taste like pizza? I can only imagine the results of this mash up!
16. Beetroot soup
I actually really enjoy a creamy, chilled beetroot soup. Call me crazy but there is something about the cold smoothness that is great on a summer day. What makes it so good is that texture, and a potato chip can simply not compete.
17. Sushi
Sushi? That is so broad! Are we talking dragon roll, shrimp tempura, washi, or what? Put it all into one or is this flavor really just seaweed but marketed as sushi? That second option might not be so bad but the first sounds terrible!
18. Cinnamon buns
Whoever is coming up with these new flavors for chips, I have a request- stop making them so complicated! A cinnamon roll is supposed to be fresh out of the oven and dripping in icing in a sweet, buttery bite while standing in the kitchen in a bathrobe, not in a potato chip!
19. Grilled cheese and ketchup
I love eating my grilled cheese with ketchup but wrapping my head around a cheesy flavored potato chip that is then re-flavored as ketchup is just not working for me!
20. Kiwi
Kiwi flavor runs into a similar problem as a blueberry flavor but it even harder to perfect. When was the last time you had a kiwi flavored thing that actually tasted as good as a kiwi? For me, that was never so these chips are likely to be a huge miss.
21. Buttered scallop
I can barely eat buttered scallops as they are, and I highly doubt that this chip is even going to be an improvement at all. Seems more like a fishy flavored butter chip and if I really want butter, I will make some movie theatre popcorn!
22. Maple moose
The package here as a picture of an actual moose on it, and if this chip is trying to taste like a poor, dead moose covered in maple syrup then I am one unhappy chip eater! I might give them the benefit of the doubt though if they meant “mousse” as in the fluffy dessert. Any ideas?
23. Lobster hot plate
A lobster hot plate is a very rich and complex, if you will, form of dinner and a single potato chip can in no way do it justice!
24. Crispy duck and hoisin
This one is just so far out of the box that I have no idea where they were intending to go with it! That would be like doing steak and A1 sauce. How would that even work as a chip? I will pass on this one!
25. Cajun squirrel
Squirrel? And Cajun sauce? Absolutely a million times no way in the world would I eat that. Why not just make Cajun chips? Why did they have to go and add the fluffy little squirrel to it too?
Well, folks, if you feel you are in a potato chip rut, there may be variety out there for you but be warned, some of these flavors might make you want to hurl instead!
