The reaction is always consistent.
"Whoa, you mean you've never been in a relationship? How?"
"So...it must be a religious decision right?
"Are you, like, confused? Do you like men?"
I am a 23-year-old woman and I have been single my entire life. No, I am not unsure about my sexuality. I am not saving myself. I am not some alien who reproduces by budding and has no concept of love or companionship.
I have simply never been in a relationship with another person.
This sort of revelation strikes people as very strange. They ask questions and make assumptions because it is uncommon. I am considered a minority.
Yet, I am just like most girls and have been since I stopped believing boys had cooties. I blush when a man I like compliments me. I flirted recklessly with my right swipes on Tinder. Shoot, I have imagined countless scenarios where I was in Natalie Portman's place in the Thor movies.
The desire is there. In fact, I value romantic love and companionship above most things in this lifetime. I find myself on Instagram, quietly envying the beautiful couples who lead lives filled with forehead kisses and synchronized work out regimens. There have been days when I have wanted a boyfriend so bad that I have just binge watched romance films and sulked over a pint of Ben & Jerry's. So when people react the way they do, when I tell them of my perpetually single state, I cannot fault them for their confusion.
The fact of the matter is that I just haven't felt it yet. The magic. The sparks, the butterflies. I am in no position to say that I have not been flirted with or asked out on dates. I have actually been on several dates and some have truly been wonderful. People have said I am too picky, that I aim too high for a Prince Charming that just doesn't exist. I call it patience. Patience for what I know is out there. Because love is a fickle thing for every person. It comes sooner for some and later for others. I just happen to be a late bloomer.
But what is imperative for folks to understand is that I am not unhappy. On the contrary, I am quite content with having just myself. People often think I must be miserable because I have missed out on so many milestones that accompany the novelty of young love. Sure, I'll never be able to say I had a high school sweetheart or that my boyfriend bought me chicken soup when I was sick with the flu. I haven't experienced a swelling ecstasy from hearing a significant other whisper "I love you." To say I haven't desired these things would be a blatant lie, but to say I have been in a constant search for a lover my whole life would also be untrue.
Even though I see countless others around me falling in love, getting engaged or having babies, I couldn't be happier than where I am now...because I have always stayed true to myself. I have never compromised my own happiness just to achieve the goal of falling in love for the first time. I don't want a man in my life just to have one so he may hold my hand, call me baby, or take me to dinner on Valentine's day. I need to want it, to feel it deeply within myself, and until that moment arrives, I am perfectly satisfied with my own company.
Also, to those out there like myself, I want to say that you're not alone and there is nothing wrong with you. And for whatever reason you have for not having been with someone, always remember to do what makes you happy.
