Being born during the Sunday of Summer Vacation has always been a bummer. All of my friends were always gone for back to school shopping or trying to squeeze in one last camping trip before school began. Planning birthday parties was a nightmare and my birthday just never seemed special. As I got older my birthday became more and more exciting for me because it was finally a day where I was celebrated. A day dedicated to me and only me. So, on this day, my 22nd birthday, instead of writing a hit song that will be forever played on everyone’s 22nd birthday (what up, T. Swift), I decided to write 22 things I’ve learned in these 22 years of life.
1. Confidence is key.
Honestly, until recently I have struggled with self-confidence. Growing up in a culture that conditions women to believe that they have to look and act a certain way made me feel like an outcast. I don’t act lady like, I don’t like keeping up my appearances 24/7, and I like to cuss and drink some beer once in a while. But really, regardless of how you look or act, as long as you do it with confidence everyone will see you for how you see you. Be happy with how you are and throw up the middle finger to those who dislike it. Because you are amazing, beautiful, and unique and no one can tell you how to act. You just need to love yourself.
2. Talking behind other’s backs really isn’t all bad.
There is this huge stigma against talking badly about someone behind their back and when you do it you’re labelled two faced or a snake. Honestly though, sometimes you need to vent about a person or talk about something they did or said that just doesn’t jive with you. Every person I’ve ever encountered I’ve talked about behind their back just so I could get out of my funk and then everything is back to normal. If they ask, I’ll admit that I was in a bad place and explain my issue and we treat the problem like adults. I honestly take it as a compliment that someone would prefer to talk behind my back as opposed to my face, because they care about my feelings enough to not want to upset me by bringing up an issue. So go ahead, let them talk, everyone does it.
3. Family is not always blood.
Regardless of blood or not, never let anyone treat you like shit. I’ve had friends and families of no biological relation treat me better than those who are blood. You don’t have to love or care for anyone that doesn’t treat you with the same respect.
4. Question everything and anything.
I mean it. Question everything and everyone. Question the media, question your parents, question your friends, question your history books, not in a douchey rebellious way, just so you can gain knowledge. Everything that you have ever been taught or told is always biased. You need to learn all sides of the story and form your own opinions. You can’t just go with what everyone is saying, you need to research and discover on your own.
5. Being a girl doesn’t mean you have to grow up and become a baby making machine.
This is kind of weird to throw in here, but according to biology I am at a prime baby-making age, and because I am a woman I am expected to give up my life and body to produce children to keep up the gene flow and forget about all my own inhibitions. It sounds crazy, but if you’re a woman and don’t want kids, good. Don’t have them. You don’t have to, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Your body, your life, do with it as you please. I mean, I’m sure babies are cool and stuff, but damn. I’m still in college, I have shit I want to do, I’m going to have a baby when I went to, if I want to. Not because anyone tells me to.
6. Travel.
This is specific to those who grew up in the United States. I say that because when you grow up in the United States you have been engraved with this sense of nationalism that makes you blind to what is going on around the globe. And when I say travel, I don’t mean to Canada or Cancun, I mean get out of the Americas. I’ve had friends travel to Europe, Asia, and Australia and it is truly life changing. You discover things about yourself you never thought possible. Just go adventure, please. Just go.
7. You cannot please everyone.
And you probably never will, and that’s totally cool. I mean you can try but your life will be filled with fake relationships and disappointment. I’m not sure who said it but there’s this quote that I urge you to live by; “you may be the ripest and juiciest peach in the world, but there is always someone who doesn’t like peaches”. Basically live your life the way you want to live it and if someone doesn’t like it, cool. As long as you’re happy you’ll find people to follow, and you continue to be the best damn peach to exist.
8. You mom actually knows best.
I don’t know if my mom is reading this (hi Becky!), but this is a lesson that took forever for me to learn and it makes me cringe to this day. But moms seriously know what’s best. You may be in a really bad place in your life and think you’re alone but your mom and grandma and a million other people have gone through something similar and know exactly what you need to do to help, and you need to listen. They know what they’re talking about and honestly it’s really hurtful to try to help someone and they completely ignore your advice. So please, listen to your mom. She’s actually sure helpful.
9. Relearn your country's impact on the world.
USA! USA! USA! We’re the greatest country on Earth, right? Everyone wants to be us, right? Well, actually not really. But, that’s what were taught so it must be true. History books would never lie to us, the media is totally honest about our roles in war and other controversies, and certainly the government would NEVER lie to us. Except they do, and you can educate yourself. Every country’s story is different and the US’s role in history may be vastly different to them. Take time to educate yourself about your country and its impact on the world. It will really open your eyes and could possibly change the future of our country.
10. Every person you meet has a story.
This is cliché but important. You may not like every person you meet as I certainly do not, but every person is a lesson and a story. Listen to people, listen to their journey through life, and figure out how that relates to your own story. You can learn from their mistakes, from their parent’s mistakes, whatever. Every person’s journey is different and even if you can’t get anything out of it, it’s still interesting to listen to.
11. High school friends.
That’s it. That’s all they are. People you were friends with because you were stuck in a building together for 7 hours a day, 5 days a week. Don’t feel bad when you drift apart, don’t worry when they stop texting you every day. You have no idea who you are in high school, and after graduation when you start your journey through this really weird thing called life, you lose some people along the way. Just don’t let it keep you from making new bonds with new people.
12. Relationships are not that hard.
I could talk about relationships for days. But basically, relationships are not that complicated. You either like each other or you don’t. If he/she doesn’t respect you or make you feel like a damn queen/king every day, let them go. There are over 7 billion people in this world, don’t let one ruin your day. Another quote to live by; “relationships are like farts, if you have to force it it’s probably shit.” I know it’s odd, but if you think about it, it’s actually really relevant.
13. Foreign kids.
Not only are their accents really cool, but learning from kids your age that grew up in vastly different cultures and societies will help you form opinions on your own society. It is humbling. Issues like trans-gendered bathrooms and legalization of marijuana don’t really compare to the Syrian refugee crisis or the failing European Union. Figure out their opinion on what has and hasn’t worked for their society, and apply this knowledge to your own country and try to use this new found voice to create change in your society.
14. You’re not on this earth to please people.
I already kind of talked about this previously but honestly your purpose in this life is beyond making other people happy and making other people like you. Don’t get hung up on someone who doesn’t like you, because for every one person who dislikes you there are at least three who love you, and that is what’s important.
15. You need thick skin.
All throughout your life you were seriously babied and that’s not going to happen anymore. No one is against you, everyone is just for themselves. This may sound a little pessimistic, but I assure you it’s true. At the end of the day it’s every man, woman, and child for themselves, and sometimes people can be competitive and not care at all for your emotions. You can’t take this to heart, there is a place for emotions and then there is a place for you to be a cold hearted-bitch. Just don’t get the two confused.
16. Alcohol.
Alcohol is okay, but there’s a time and a place for it. If it becomes your life and all you can talk about is getting drunk all the time and always hint at your legal age friends to buy you alcohol, you might want to reconsider your life’s direction.
17. What happens in high school stays in high school
Most of your high school accomplishments won’t mean much after graduation. Football captains and homecoming courts are just that. They do not provide any viable skill set for you, and although it is nice to reminisce, do not let it become part of your personality.
18. You don’t need to have everything figured out.
Dude, I’m 22 years old and I have no idea what I’m doing or where I’m going. No one does. At this point everyone is just floating around trying to figure out where they fit in the world, and about 85% of the time no one figures it out, don’t freak out thinking you need to have your life together by the time you’re 25. You’ll get there eventually, just don’t forget to live in the present and enjoy what you have now.
19. Living with your significant other is actually really weird.
There is so much stuff on what it’s like to live with your significant other, and as solid as my boyfriend and I are, nothing really prepares you for life as a unit. He does so much stuff that I think is so weird and I’m sure he feels the same with me. He watches me put on my spray tan (and helps) and I watch him put beer in literally EVERYTHING he cooks. We found solace in doing little things together and going out on dates just seem so boring and weird now. Living with your significant other involves a lot of pimple popping, foot rubs, and flatulence. But it’s the most amazing feeling to come home to someone who loves you unconditionally every night. Even if he snores and sweats like a pig.
20. Take care of those who take care of you.
There is no reason for you to go out of your way to make other people happy and forget your own happiness. Yes, you can be nice but there are people out there that will take advantage of you. These people can cause some serious issues in your life but it’s important to remember the people that take care of you in return.
21. Do not chase, replace.
If someone treats you badly, drop them. If your friend starts hanging out with the wrong crowd, drop them. If someone thinks they can treat you badly and you’ll still be there for them, drop them. You don’t deserve anything less than the best and the people who will treat you that way. There are people who will lash out on you and treat you terribly and expect you to worship the ground they walk on. These are the people that do not deserve your friendship and instead of chasing them and trying to get them to stay your friend, replace them.
22. It is okay to be selfish, and you should be.
Do you. Live for you, dress for you, eat for you, just do you. At the end of the day you are all you have and you cannot give yourself up for anyone or anything. Do what makes you happy, and do not let anyone tell you what does and doesn’t make you happy.
I'm still young and have a lot to learn, but I have already learned so much these past 22 years it's hard not to share.
