Living in DC has some of the best perks around, including the infamous Adams Morgan (AdMo), but sometimes we all find ourselves in some awkward situations down at the bars, like...
1. When the bouncer takes your real driver's license and you call the cops
Like I know you haven't seen Oklahoma or Nebraska or some other random state before but c'mon!
2. When someone tries to flirt with you but they don't speak English
You work at what Embassy? You're from WHAT country?!
3. When you're nervous the guy next to you has roofies so you run away
Sometimes customs just don't translate well across cultures. Like when someone gets a little too close, a little too fast, and your drunk brain just screams, "DRUGS!," and then you run. Oops.
4. When you try to meet your friends at "the bar" but the bar has 4 bars
There's always that one bar where you have to go into a different bar, ask for the secret password, and travel through fucking Narnia to get to it.
5. When you try to meet your friends at a bar you went to when you were blackout last week
It's on 18th between Jumbo Slice and that bar where you hooked up with that Georgetown kid. Sure. Okay I got this.
6. When someone brings up politics
I don't get what the GOP did or that you intern for Hillary. Congratufuckinlations!
7. When someone says they're interning
OMG WOW IT'S LIKE YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE WHO DOES THAT OR SOMETHING! Shut up.
8. When someone asks where you're from and you just say "here," because fuck summer interns
All those tourists or summer interns thinking they can pick you up or show you around, like GOODBYE, I've been here for three years!
9. When bitches think you're trying steal their men but actually you just trying to dance
I've had three midterms and Obama made me late for work again. Back the fuck up.
10. When you awkwardly try to Snapchat the two drunk people making out in the corner
Oh, stupid freshman.
11. When you wander off and lose your friends in the abyss of DC nightlife
#lostforever
12. When you skip the line and hug the bouncer because you go there twice a week every week and y'all are friends
Thank god for my sparkling personality and slight alcoholism!
13. When the bouncer says you're too drunk to go in and you can't argue
But PUHLEASSEEEEEE!
14. When you carry a backpack in and everyone asks if you're a drug dealer...
Nope just coming straight from class!
15. When you make plans for the next day with your crew, but you all know you'll be too hungover to do anything before 3 p.m.
Bethesda Bagels at 4 p.m., anyone?
16. When you call your mom at 2 a.m.
Nooo Mom, I'm not drunk...I'm just...slurring my words for effect...
17. When you email your boss at 2 a.m.
Drunk you doesn't care. Sober you is fired.
18. When you think post-gaming is a good idea
It is NEVER a good idea.
19. When you don't go to a bar because you know it's full of frat guys
Oh that douchey frat is going to be there...well then how about no? We'll just go to U Street.
20. When you hide from someone you use to hook up with
Oh this bar stool looks comfy, let's sit beneath it! Or maybe if I just press myself into this wall, I'll somehow disappear in it and they won't see me...
21. When you order GrubHub before you even leave because you know you'll be home in less than an hour and you'll be hungry
After a long night of drinking, running through AdMo, the monuments, and maybe even the White House, you deserve some quality drunk food.
Shoutout to Ashley Nipp, #1 baddest bitch in DC, for helping me compile this list.
