I meant to write this a while ago but I couldn’t find the right number of things: it was always 20 or 18 or 24, never 21 and for some reason I knew it had to be my age. I’ve been alive for a long time, not as long as some people but longer than a great majority and I've picked some things up along the way. I’d like to think that these are lessons that will stick with me for a long time and can transcend borders.

Going with the flow isn’t a bad thing

Sure, you don’t want to go with the flow 100% of the time since it’s your life and you have a say, but at the same time being uptight can be stressful. When I’m presented with such a situation, I ask myself “What do I have to lose?” If the answer is nothing, then chances are that I’m not going to sit back and watch everyone else.

Time is the ultimate healer

You’ll hear this time and time again but I'm taking time to repeat it. Things hurt. Life is hard and sometimes I just want to crawl up on my floor and cry to my mom. That’s normal! Breakups, rejections, unfortunate accidents. They all happen because it’s part of life. It hurts at the time yes, and it will hurt for months to come but whatever happened won’t always bring you pain. Give it time and use the experience to make you stronger and to guide your future decisions.

You won’t (and can’t) get along with everyone

From that kid on the playground to the coworker and everyone in between. We all have different experiences that guide who we are and make us unique. Our views are going to conflict because everyone looks at things differently. Accept what you cannot change and move on to people that bring you can’t joy.

Don’t be afraid to let toxic friends loose

Probably the most important lesson I’ve learned in the past few months. I used to feel stressed and upset when I was with this friend and after I’d spent time with her. Now that our friendship is over, I feel loose and free like I’m not afraid to be myself. Yes it’s hard to take the step but when you’re thinking about your future and measuring the importance of happiness, I recommend looking at toxic friends

Smiling is great!

The greatest compliment I’ve ever gotten is that I look like a really nice person and that I smile a lot. My motto up until that point was “fake it til you make it” and I made it! Smiling takes fewer muscles than frowning and the mirror neurons make you feel happy even if you’re not. So take a second and think of something that makes you smile when you’re upset and it makes the frustration simmer.

Budget, budget, budget

So important. Living with parents we can lose sight of the importance of our finances but when you’re on your own and have a set amount coming in each week, you’ve got to decide what is important. Do you want to go to the movies or go on a trip? How much food can you buy per month without dipping into something else?

Independence is great but so is leaning on people

A lesson I can stand to learn myself. Our friends and family want to help, that’s their job. Opening up and showing vulnerability doesn’t make you weak, it showcases your strength because you know your weakness. If you need help, ask! Chances are that someone is going to be there for you.

Indulge yourself!

I went to Nordstroms to buy shoes and left with one pair more than I anticipated along with a cookie and some coffee. Sure I regretted it at first, but at the same time, I figured I’d let myself live a little! So whether it’s a piece of cinnamon roll cheesecake or a pair of really nice shoes, as long as you’re happy overall then it doesn’t matter.

Enjoy every day

Life is a gift. It’s not tied with a bow or sitting under a tree but it’s still a gift. Enjoy the small moments you find throughout your day, whether it’s a really good cup of coffee or meeting your hero or a person that smiled at you during your commute. Finding one thing every day that makes you happy can make your life so much more enjoyable

Go above and beyond

Beat the expectations. Crash through that wall. Break that ceiling. Everyone has expectations for themselves so beat those and then set more goals. Measure success in your own terms

Make good choices

I tell this to everyone as a sort of joke but definitely with some seriousness to the statement. Screwing up makes your life so much harder. You can try to not get caught but if you do then it’s your own fault and you’ve got to make it better. Toe the line between living life on the edge and not getting in enough trouble to ruin the rest of your life

Embrace and accept failure

Failing sucks. If I had a dollar for the number of times I’ve let myself or those around me down, I wouldn’t need loans for college. But there’s nothing I can do besides pick myself back up and keep going. Learn from your failures and use them as fuel or to guide your next opportunity

Get off the couch

I am not one to turn down Netflix. However, I’m also not the person to lie on my butt all day. Life moves fast, you have a set number of seconds, of minutes per day. Use them all to their fullest so you can look back and have no regrets.

Change is good

Change is hard. It’s hard to move, it’s hard to transition. But it makes us stronger. Moving across the country and doing freshman year twice was awful. Yet I wouldn’t go back and not do it. I’m glad I did even though the change was difficult to take. It made me stronger as a person and happier because I could relate to those around me and was then able to find myself.

QTIP

Quit Taking It Personally. My sister learned this one at a conference she went to. People aren’t against you, they’re for themselves. So when you think someone does something to hurt you on purpose, chances are they’re acting in their own self-interest and that you’d do the same thing in a similar situation.

Hugs are amazing

Don’t take a good hug for granted. Hugs that last longer than fifteen seconds have amazing destressing powers, just let it go and hug someone, you’ll both feel better

Put yourself first

You are the most important person in your life. So do what makes you happy, less stressed, feel important, etc. You are going to hurt feelings in the process and if that’s the case then trust that it will all work out in the end.

Live with no regrets

We make thousands of choices every day from what shirt to wear in the morning to who we talk to. Make the choice that you want to but at the same time, understand that you have to live with it. Accept what comes and know that if things don’t work out, it’s a learning opportunity. Leave nothing on the table at the end of the day and go to bed content.

You put up your own walls

Whether it’s walls between people or hurdles in life, everything has been built by one person: you. So knock them down with a sledgehammer, jump over them, go around them, do whatever you want to do because you can.

Seek out personal connections

Everyone has an amazing story. I love just listening to people and asking them questions, analyzing their story and thinking about how it got them where they are now. Personal connections make me feel whole - like I’m part of something bigger than myself. Connections can help us learn about ourselves and grow into something we didn’t know we could be.

There’s no such thing as perfection

This is a hard one for me to say but perfection isn’t there. It’s natural to keep striving to be your own version of “perfect”. Flaws make us unique and beautiful, accept who you are but always strive to be better