With Valentine's Day behind us, I spent the day pondering (and researching) some of the greatest pickup lines I've ever heard. I wondered if I could compile a master list and, with a little help from some friends, I did it. Here's what we came up with the 21 funniest pickup lines I have ever heard:
1. "Do you have Acne? Because I want to get Proactive with you."
My best friend/roommate Courtney thought of this and I cried. All credit to her. (She's single, so hit her up.)
2. "Are you my appendix? Because I don't understand how you work, but this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out."
Anatomical pick-up lines for the Grey's Anatomy fan in your life.
3. "How much does a polar bear weigh? [How much?] Enough to break the ice....Hi, I'm ___."
For when you just need to find a way to say hello.
4. (Hold out hand) "Would you hold this for me while I go for a walk?"
Simple. Direct. Useful for the cute dog-walker you always see walking at the park.
5. "Is your father Little Caesar? 'Cause you look Hot n' Ready."
Everyone loves pizza.
6. "If you were a transformer, you'd be a hot-bot, and your name would be Optimus Fine."
...Get it?
7. Check the label on their shirt. When they say, "What are you doing?" You say, "Just checking to see if you were made in heaven."
Even if it says "100% cotton," just roll with it.
8. "Can you hold on one second? I have to show you the prettiest girl I've ever seen." (Hold up front-facing camera on phone.)
Someone try this and tell me if it works.
9. "Girl, you're like Mastercard.....priceless."
Keeping it classy.
10. "My friends bet me that I wouldn't start a conversation with the most beautiful girl here. Want to go buy some dinner with their money?"
Makings of a first date 101.
11. "You look familiar. Did we have class together? I could've sworn we had chemistry."
This works even if you're not in a Chem class.
12. *In a museum*. "Hi, I'm ____. I would shake your hand, but that sign says not to touch the masterpieces."
Monet ain't got nothing on you, babe.
13. "Do you have 11 protons? Because you're sodium fine."
Likely to be most effective if the person is a science-lover.
14. "If you were a triangle, you'd be acute one."
Buh-dum tisssss.
15. "Is your name Wifi? Because I'm feeling a strong connection."
Provocative.
16. "There's 21 letters in the alphabet, right? Oh...never mind, I missed u r a qt."
Now I know my ABC's.
17. "On a scale of 1-10, you're a 9. And I'm the 1 you need."
Keep 'em coming.
18. "Are you Physics 212?" [No...] "Well you're something I just couldn't pass."
Particularly useful if you failed a few classes (we won't judge).
19. "Is your face from McDonald's? Because I'm lovin' it."
Ba-da-bah-bah-bahhhh.
20. "Do you mind if I walk you home? My mom always told me to follow my dreams."
Mama's boys unite.
21. "You remind me of chapstick....You're the balm."
I gagged a little reading this the first time.
If you happen to try any of these, report back on how they work. Happy Valentine's Day to all.
